1. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs.
2. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs stone cold sober. If I had been drunk I wouldn't be sore all over my body.
3. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs the last week of ski season when the mountain has the best snow ever.
4. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then catching the one segment of AFV (as I am flipping through channels laying on my stomach with ice on my ass) that features a bunch of people falling on stairs.
5. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then having a 2 hour drive home where I had to sit on my ass.
6. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then working a job that requires me to sit on my ass all day in front of a computer.
7. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and not wanting to go to the Dr. for any help because of the sheer size of my ass now that I've been in a desk job for several years.
I think that just about covers it.
MORE CAME TO MIND:
8. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and still having a cold so that it hurts a LOT every freaking time I sneeze.
9. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and still having a cold and taking cold medicince that makes me fart. It hurts to fart.
10. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs whils having a cold because it hurts like hell to blow my nose.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
April Fools!
My post yesterday was an April Fools Joke!!! YEAH BABY! But, um, apparently I shouldn't make those kind of jokes because it can happen. Here's one EVEN SCARIER than someone who had a vasectomy:
From a friend who I will not name to protect their identity:
"Well I had to laugh at your April Fools Joke, too bad it actually happened to us. Yep, I am preggo with number 4 yes 4 and it is finally a girl. I had my tubes tied in November and we were preggo before. I didn't figure it out until I was about 20 weeks along. Crazy huh so my little ones will be 13 months apart! Yep I am freaking out."
Freaking out? That's the understatement of the year! OMG, this is a full time WORKING momma with three boys already. God Bless her, keep her in your prayers.
I will not make this kind of joke EVER EVER EVER again!!!!!!!
From a friend who I will not name to protect their identity:
"Well I had to laugh at your April Fools Joke, too bad it actually happened to us. Yep, I am preggo with number 4 yes 4 and it is finally a girl. I had my tubes tied in November and we were preggo before. I didn't figure it out until I was about 20 weeks along. Crazy huh so my little ones will be 13 months apart! Yep I am freaking out."
Freaking out? That's the understatement of the year! OMG, this is a full time WORKING momma with three boys already. God Bless her, keep her in your prayers.
I will not make this kind of joke EVER EVER EVER again!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Accidents Happen
Remember waaaaaay last fall when Mark had an appointment with Dr. Peterson (Peter! I still laugh about it) to have his little swimmers road-blocked? I wasn't overly sympathetic to his, er, needs and I kept hoping hoping hoping that maybe just maybe it might fail.
Weeeeeeelllllll, despite having been given the "all clear" in January, apparently something went awry because GUESS WHAT? Come mid-September we'll have another little Little to enjoy. Yep, that's right! I think perhaps there were some little swimmers who just made it past the dam or something.
Mark is still slightly suspicious but I think he's coming to terms with it, though he will totally deny it until it's literally staring him in the face! I think it's a defense mechanism or something, after all denial ain't just a river.
But now I know why I have been getting sick NONSTOP this year. I knew this, but forgot, that you tend to lose some of your immune system abilities when you get knocked up. So no more nyquil for me, and I suppose its a damn good thing I gave up booze for lent! Otherwise we'd be having a two headed baby.
Apparently there's only one little Little in that already chubby belly of mine, which was of GREAT relief because I really don't think I could handle twins with the three children I already have.
We haven't told anyone so this is the BIG announcement. I am excited, Mark is in denial and we haven't told the kids yet, even though they ask me daily if my fat belly has a baby in it and when its going to arrive.
I am just ever so greatful that I haven't barfed during this whole thing. Living with that hangover feeling for several months is just the pits. We do have names picked out: Anita Little if its a girl, Stuart Little if its a boy.
Weeeeeeelllllll, despite having been given the "all clear" in January, apparently something went awry because GUESS WHAT? Come mid-September we'll have another little Little to enjoy. Yep, that's right! I think perhaps there were some little swimmers who just made it past the dam or something.
Mark is still slightly suspicious but I think he's coming to terms with it, though he will totally deny it until it's literally staring him in the face! I think it's a defense mechanism or something, after all denial ain't just a river.
But now I know why I have been getting sick NONSTOP this year. I knew this, but forgot, that you tend to lose some of your immune system abilities when you get knocked up. So no more nyquil for me, and I suppose its a damn good thing I gave up booze for lent! Otherwise we'd be having a two headed baby.
Apparently there's only one little Little in that already chubby belly of mine, which was of GREAT relief because I really don't think I could handle twins with the three children I already have.
We haven't told anyone so this is the BIG announcement. I am excited, Mark is in denial and we haven't told the kids yet, even though they ask me daily if my fat belly has a baby in it and when its going to arrive.
I am just ever so greatful that I haven't barfed during this whole thing. Living with that hangover feeling for several months is just the pits. We do have names picked out: Anita Little if its a girl, Stuart Little if its a boy.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sick of getting SICK!
O.M.G. Since January this is the third time my nostrils & sinuses have been filled with snot. And it's not like it even wants to come out. Nope, it just keeps filling up, backing up into my brain causing a horrendous headache. I feel like the kids are smacking my head with a flip book or something.
I really think its something in my new office that is doing it. I have no ther explanation, other than perhaps my forgetting to completely disinfect my entire body after every trip to Walmart. Seriously, though, is it just me or are your hands totally gummy from the grocery carts there? I saw a woman with rubber gloves on her hands and I thought "Genius. Freaking genius."
Of course having two small very unhygenic kids that bring home every last germ known to man, and some that haven't been discovered yet. But this time, I was the first to come down with this crap. I am sure it is from my most recent trip to old Big Blue.
I passed through the pharmacy to get a new Hello Kitty electric toothbrush for Kaylee and I swear every single person either coughed, sneezed or breathed on me when I passed through. I ALMOST grabbed some EmergenC but though, eh, I'm fine I can always come back and get some. And here we are, I was sick AGAIN withing 24 hours of that little excursion.
Next time I go to Walmart I will be wearing a surgical mask and rubber gloves. And I am NOT going there today to purchase my cold medicine. With my weak immune system, God only knows what I'll pick up today. Blech.
I really think its something in my new office that is doing it. I have no ther explanation, other than perhaps my forgetting to completely disinfect my entire body after every trip to Walmart. Seriously, though, is it just me or are your hands totally gummy from the grocery carts there? I saw a woman with rubber gloves on her hands and I thought "Genius. Freaking genius."
Of course having two small very unhygenic kids that bring home every last germ known to man, and some that haven't been discovered yet. But this time, I was the first to come down with this crap. I am sure it is from my most recent trip to old Big Blue.
I passed through the pharmacy to get a new Hello Kitty electric toothbrush for Kaylee and I swear every single person either coughed, sneezed or breathed on me when I passed through. I ALMOST grabbed some EmergenC but though, eh, I'm fine I can always come back and get some. And here we are, I was sick AGAIN withing 24 hours of that little excursion.
Next time I go to Walmart I will be wearing a surgical mask and rubber gloves. And I am NOT going there today to purchase my cold medicine. With my weak immune system, God only knows what I'll pick up today. Blech.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday Night Lights
After an unplanned break from blogging (due to a severe case of writer's block), I'm back baby! I'll start off with my very eventful Friday evening for starters, then work my way into other goodies in a couple of days.
March Madness has arrived, and as such that means I'm a basketball widow. Mark rounded up some buddies Friday night and they went to watch the Gonzaga V Florida State game at a bar in downtown Sandpoint, with lots of TVs.
My Father, bless his heart, came up for the night to hang out with me & the kids and I was expecting Mark home around 7pm, after the game was over. At approximately 7pm I received a phone call from my very inebriated hubs informing me that he had been at the 219 (Sandpoint's only Five Star Dive Bar, self proclaimed) and was now at A&Ps across the street. (I will NOT say what I believe A&Ps stands for, but if ya wanna email me, I'll tell you privately.)
Mark asked if I would be so kind as to pick his drunk ass up when he decided he'd had enough to which I replied (being the awesome wife I am) "as long as it's by 10pm since that's when I am going to bed, otherwise you can take a cab."
My Dad and I watched basketball after putting the increasingly goofy children in their beds for the night and waited for Mark to call. At 10pm SHARP, my cell phone rang and I think I heard Mark say "hold on a sec, Brent wants to talk to you" and then I heard a lot of unintelligible slurring that ended with "Mark is ready to come home."
As many of you know, I usually give up alcohol for lent, and this year was no different so I wasn't at all concerned about driving to pick him up. I had nothing but ice water all night long. My only concern was that my front right headlight was out and as you'll recall around here that is the FAVORITE reason to be pulled over by law enforcement. It has only been 18 months since the last time it happened.
So I pulled up to the curb in front of A&Ps and the hubs plopped into the minivan smelling like a cigar/brewery and proceeded to tell me how to drive. I got to the stop sign at Second & Church where Mark told me I didn't need to stop, then pointed out that it was a good thing I was driving. I said, well you know I am driving in the dark with a headlight out, right? He wasn't too concerned.
However, when I got to the stop sign ONE BLOCK LATER I saw a Sandpoint Police Car pull over to the right side of the road. I told Mark, "You realize I am about to be pulled over, right?" and he said "yep" and then I think he belched.
Sure enough, as I rounded the corner in front of Ivano's the lights started flashing. Honestly, is it really necessary to pull over a freaking mini-van with one headlight out? For Pete's sake, people speed, throw cigarettes out their windows and a host of other sins, but I have to be pulled over twice in less than two years for a headlight out?
And ya know what? We replace those damn things about every three months, it seems to be a stupid electrical issue for the van. I never know when they will go out next! Hope they don't both go out at once, as I discovered happens a lot via edmunds.com search.
Needless to say I was pretty pissed at this point. But I tried to be nice & polite to the officer, since it's not his fault the light was out. He asked for license, registration, proof of insurance etc. NEVER EVER EVER let a drunk-ass passenger dig for those items in the glove box. O....M.....G.
Eventually I gave him my license and grabbed the stuff from Mark to find the registration. However, we couldn't produce a current copy of proof of insurance, despite Mark's best efforts to give the officer every last shred of proof, all of which expired at its most recent in 2009.
The reason? We're in the process of changing insurance companies and had planned to move everything by March 10th. Unfortunately we haven't quite "gotten er dun" so while we are still insured, the actual proof of that is not anywhere we can find at the moment.
Officer Giggles came back and informed me that he would need to do a field sobriety test on me, "to make sure I was OK to drive". Was I wrong in assuming that me telling him that A)I had nothing to drink and B)I gave it up for lent anyway and C) was the designated driver for my husband that D) he wouldn't need to pull me out of the vehicle at the intersection of Highway 95 and First Avenue for all the freaking world to see and perform a field sobriety test on me?
To say that I was happy to prove my sobriety is an oxymoron, kind of like saying Nancy Pelosi is a good Catholic. But I did it anyway and I have never been more humiliated in all my life. The officer even called for BACK UP! There were two, count 'em TWO law enforcement vehicles stacked up behind me.
I would seriously rather spend another three years in Junior High again than undergo a completely unnecessary field freaking sobriety test on a busy intersection in a small town where everyone knows I drive a gold Kia Sedona mini van (don't buy one peeps, if you don't want your headlights to go out on you).
I got back into the van after receiving my ticket, yes I got a ticket for failure to produce proof of insurance, and I think I said something to Mark like "I'm going to kill you" but I think there was an f-word in there somewhere, but tough to say when you're that mad.
All Mark could say was "how do I make this up to you?" and that's where ya'll come in. Please vote in my poll to help him decide what he can do to make it better for me. I know he will appreciate your input.
March Madness has arrived, and as such that means I'm a basketball widow. Mark rounded up some buddies Friday night and they went to watch the Gonzaga V Florida State game at a bar in downtown Sandpoint, with lots of TVs.
My Father, bless his heart, came up for the night to hang out with me & the kids and I was expecting Mark home around 7pm, after the game was over. At approximately 7pm I received a phone call from my very inebriated hubs informing me that he had been at the 219 (Sandpoint's only Five Star Dive Bar, self proclaimed) and was now at A&Ps across the street. (I will NOT say what I believe A&Ps stands for, but if ya wanna email me, I'll tell you privately.)
Mark asked if I would be so kind as to pick his drunk ass up when he decided he'd had enough to which I replied (being the awesome wife I am) "as long as it's by 10pm since that's when I am going to bed, otherwise you can take a cab."
My Dad and I watched basketball after putting the increasingly goofy children in their beds for the night and waited for Mark to call. At 10pm SHARP, my cell phone rang and I think I heard Mark say "hold on a sec, Brent wants to talk to you" and then I heard a lot of unintelligible slurring that ended with "Mark is ready to come home."
As many of you know, I usually give up alcohol for lent, and this year was no different so I wasn't at all concerned about driving to pick him up. I had nothing but ice water all night long. My only concern was that my front right headlight was out and as you'll recall around here that is the FAVORITE reason to be pulled over by law enforcement. It has only been 18 months since the last time it happened.
So I pulled up to the curb in front of A&Ps and the hubs plopped into the minivan smelling like a cigar/brewery and proceeded to tell me how to drive. I got to the stop sign at Second & Church where Mark told me I didn't need to stop, then pointed out that it was a good thing I was driving. I said, well you know I am driving in the dark with a headlight out, right? He wasn't too concerned.
However, when I got to the stop sign ONE BLOCK LATER I saw a Sandpoint Police Car pull over to the right side of the road. I told Mark, "You realize I am about to be pulled over, right?" and he said "yep" and then I think he belched.
Sure enough, as I rounded the corner in front of Ivano's the lights started flashing. Honestly, is it really necessary to pull over a freaking mini-van with one headlight out? For Pete's sake, people speed, throw cigarettes out their windows and a host of other sins, but I have to be pulled over twice in less than two years for a headlight out?
And ya know what? We replace those damn things about every three months, it seems to be a stupid electrical issue for the van. I never know when they will go out next! Hope they don't both go out at once, as I discovered happens a lot via edmunds.com search.
Needless to say I was pretty pissed at this point. But I tried to be nice & polite to the officer, since it's not his fault the light was out. He asked for license, registration, proof of insurance etc. NEVER EVER EVER let a drunk-ass passenger dig for those items in the glove box. O....M.....G.
Eventually I gave him my license and grabbed the stuff from Mark to find the registration. However, we couldn't produce a current copy of proof of insurance, despite Mark's best efforts to give the officer every last shred of proof, all of which expired at its most recent in 2009.
The reason? We're in the process of changing insurance companies and had planned to move everything by March 10th. Unfortunately we haven't quite "gotten er dun" so while we are still insured, the actual proof of that is not anywhere we can find at the moment.
Officer Giggles came back and informed me that he would need to do a field sobriety test on me, "to make sure I was OK to drive". Was I wrong in assuming that me telling him that A)I had nothing to drink and B)I gave it up for lent anyway and C) was the designated driver for my husband that D) he wouldn't need to pull me out of the vehicle at the intersection of Highway 95 and First Avenue for all the freaking world to see and perform a field sobriety test on me?
To say that I was happy to prove my sobriety is an oxymoron, kind of like saying Nancy Pelosi is a good Catholic. But I did it anyway and I have never been more humiliated in all my life. The officer even called for BACK UP! There were two, count 'em TWO law enforcement vehicles stacked up behind me.
I would seriously rather spend another three years in Junior High again than undergo a completely unnecessary field freaking sobriety test on a busy intersection in a small town where everyone knows I drive a gold Kia Sedona mini van (don't buy one peeps, if you don't want your headlights to go out on you).
I got back into the van after receiving my ticket, yes I got a ticket for failure to produce proof of insurance, and I think I said something to Mark like "I'm going to kill you" but I think there was an f-word in there somewhere, but tough to say when you're that mad.
All Mark could say was "how do I make this up to you?" and that's where ya'll come in. Please vote in my poll to help him decide what he can do to make it better for me. I know he will appreciate your input.
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