Today I learned a few new things:
1. Don't make chili the night before you go to the gym.
2. Sit ups make you fart.
3. Especially if you had chili the night before.
4. Never ever ever work out with your husband the day after you make chili.
5. Husbands will happily point out that you farted while doing sit ups.
6. Your personal trainer will not.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
How to get kids to eat almost anything
With two little kids I have learned a thing or two about how to get them to eat things that they should but won't, simply because they know its good for them. Here's my fail-safe list:
1. Cheese - kids will eat almost anything when it is covered in cheese, including broccoli, green beans and brussel sprouts
2. Peanut butter - kids will eat things like apples and even celery when you put peanut butter on it. Add raisins and you can almost convince them its dessert!
3. Make faces with their food - arrange their food on their plate like a smiley face and they love it!
4. Let them "help you" make dinner. We let them set the table or pull the broccoli apart so we can steam it, little things like that and then they LIKE to eat what they helped to make.
5. Finger food - the kids favorite dinner is string cheese, grapes, bananas and whole wheat crackers, and only because it does not require the use of silverware to eat.
6. Breakfast for dinner - nothing says fun like whole wheat pancakes, bacon, eggs and fruit for DINNER!!
7. Quesadillas - they love these and mostly because there's cheese in them, but they sound exotic and exciting, not like "chicken" so they are more likely to eat them. I might try calling other foods fun and different names to see if that works.
While this is by no means a perfect list or a complete list, these tips do work for most children, and not surprisingly husbands too (except for the setting the table part).
I will say that one of the challenges of meals with little ones is their propensity to get up and leave the table. Can ADD be diagnosed at an early age? They are like little heat seeking missiles, drawn to their destination: a toy wedged beneath the couch cushion covered by a heaping pile of unfolded laundry. How DO they do it??
Getting them back to the table is very difficult once they leave. It usually involves threats of bodily harm, begging and eventually bribery. But what parent isn't above bribing their children with marshmallows?
Ah, the joys of mealtime....
1. Cheese - kids will eat almost anything when it is covered in cheese, including broccoli, green beans and brussel sprouts
2. Peanut butter - kids will eat things like apples and even celery when you put peanut butter on it. Add raisins and you can almost convince them its dessert!
3. Make faces with their food - arrange their food on their plate like a smiley face and they love it!
4. Let them "help you" make dinner. We let them set the table or pull the broccoli apart so we can steam it, little things like that and then they LIKE to eat what they helped to make.
5. Finger food - the kids favorite dinner is string cheese, grapes, bananas and whole wheat crackers, and only because it does not require the use of silverware to eat.
6. Breakfast for dinner - nothing says fun like whole wheat pancakes, bacon, eggs and fruit for DINNER!!
7. Quesadillas - they love these and mostly because there's cheese in them, but they sound exotic and exciting, not like "chicken" so they are more likely to eat them. I might try calling other foods fun and different names to see if that works.
While this is by no means a perfect list or a complete list, these tips do work for most children, and not surprisingly husbands too (except for the setting the table part).
I will say that one of the challenges of meals with little ones is their propensity to get up and leave the table. Can ADD be diagnosed at an early age? They are like little heat seeking missiles, drawn to their destination: a toy wedged beneath the couch cushion covered by a heaping pile of unfolded laundry. How DO they do it??
Getting them back to the table is very difficult once they leave. It usually involves threats of bodily harm, begging and eventually bribery. But what parent isn't above bribing their children with marshmallows?
Ah, the joys of mealtime....
Monday, November 17, 2008
Calgon Moment
Do you remember those commercials when we were kids? Stay at home moms with screaming children, broken dishwashers and husbands who weren't home to help would pause for a moment and think, "Calgon, take me away" and she would instantly be transported into a giant bathtub with candles, massive amounts of bubbles and very soft lighting. We never had a nice tub like that in my house so I always wondered where the hell mom went when she uttered those words.
I have had a few "Calgon" moments since becoming a mom. Once when Mark was working on a Saturday and I was home with both kids alone, Brady was about three months old and Kaylee nearly 2 1/2. Both were sleeping at the same time (amazing I know) but that also meant that they woke up at the same time. Crying. Screaming. Wiggling. And what do you do when the 2 1/2 year old has pooped her pants and the baby is hungry and crying and your boobs feel like they might explode? Well I tried the Calgon thing and it didn't work. So I changed Kaylee QUICKLY and then stuck the little dude on my breast. Problem solved.
Another time Mark had hurt his back golfing (yes, another attempt at recapturing his youth) and I had to take care of him while he laid on the floor, plus both kids. I swear all three of them were whining at the same time, each wanting food and none of them wanting the same thing. So of course I took care of the littlest one first and then went up from there.
Tonight was another Calgon moment. And I really don't know whats wrong with my children sometimes. I had one of those Mom of the Year evenings, I am sorry to report. We picked the kids up from daycare and brought them home. All was well until the garage opened and we pulled into the garage then all hell broke loose.
Brady wanted his shoes on (I took them off because he was kicking the daylights out of my seat in the van), Kaylee started crying because she thought she was being left alone. Kaylee went willingly into the house, Brady had a total cow because I didn't put his shoes on, and all I was going to have to do was take the damn things right back off.
He was crying and sobbing and then Kaylee went apeshit because we left her art at school. Both children, crying and laying in the middle of the floor, Mark standing there watching saying, "This is just great. Great."
I felt really bad because my laughing seemed to make the kids cry even harder, but I simply couldn't help myself. Calgon, where the hell are you?
I have had a few "Calgon" moments since becoming a mom. Once when Mark was working on a Saturday and I was home with both kids alone, Brady was about three months old and Kaylee nearly 2 1/2. Both were sleeping at the same time (amazing I know) but that also meant that they woke up at the same time. Crying. Screaming. Wiggling. And what do you do when the 2 1/2 year old has pooped her pants and the baby is hungry and crying and your boobs feel like they might explode? Well I tried the Calgon thing and it didn't work. So I changed Kaylee QUICKLY and then stuck the little dude on my breast. Problem solved.
Another time Mark had hurt his back golfing (yes, another attempt at recapturing his youth) and I had to take care of him while he laid on the floor, plus both kids. I swear all three of them were whining at the same time, each wanting food and none of them wanting the same thing. So of course I took care of the littlest one first and then went up from there.
Tonight was another Calgon moment. And I really don't know whats wrong with my children sometimes. I had one of those Mom of the Year evenings, I am sorry to report. We picked the kids up from daycare and brought them home. All was well until the garage opened and we pulled into the garage then all hell broke loose.
Brady wanted his shoes on (I took them off because he was kicking the daylights out of my seat in the van), Kaylee started crying because she thought she was being left alone. Kaylee went willingly into the house, Brady had a total cow because I didn't put his shoes on, and all I was going to have to do was take the damn things right back off.
He was crying and sobbing and then Kaylee went apeshit because we left her art at school. Both children, crying and laying in the middle of the floor, Mark standing there watching saying, "This is just great. Great."
I felt really bad because my laughing seemed to make the kids cry even harder, but I simply couldn't help myself. Calgon, where the hell are you?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dr. Mom
Well it is that time of the year when the children, the little germ magnets they are, start bringing home the flu in bi-monthly intervals and never at the same time. As many of you know, cough and cold medicine has been banned for use with children under the age of 6 (or maybe its been moved up to 12 years now, I can't keep up).
So I have been trying to find different methods of keeping the kids from turning a harmless little cold into an ear and/or sinus infection. Not an easy prospect with little options on the shelf and the fact that all children under the age of 18 are not even remotely hygenic.
But I found a couple of things that work, and are so bizzare that I have to share them. Most of us are accustomed to slathering Vicks Vapo Rub on our chests to ease our sinuses, but did you know that if yuo rub it on your feet (or that of your highly ticklish child) and cover them with socks, it curbs your cough? I swore it was an old wives tale, and being an old wife myself I thought the theory was at least worth a shot. Especially considering Brady's cough kept the whole family awake!
I also read about reflexology for babies (now before you go think I am one of "those" people, STOP) and how you can rub their feet on the bottom and then their toes and that it eases their sinuses. I figured it couldn't hurt to do a little of both and see what happens. No joke, it worked.
There's also this stuff called "Simply Saline" that is basically saline pressurized so when you squirt it in your nose it gets where it needs to go. Guess I should have warned you not to read this while eating. My apologies. Both kids actually allow me to do this, Brady is more willing, Kaylee requires me to hold her down, but when you're pretty much immobile there's not much you can do.
So the next time you, your children or the whole damn family have a cold and you can't find anyting on the shelf, try rubbing your feet and chest with Vicks, putting on a thick pair of socks, squrint saline up your nostrils to get those boogies out, then curl up with some tea and breathe easier. You're gonna thank me!
So I have been trying to find different methods of keeping the kids from turning a harmless little cold into an ear and/or sinus infection. Not an easy prospect with little options on the shelf and the fact that all children under the age of 18 are not even remotely hygenic.
But I found a couple of things that work, and are so bizzare that I have to share them. Most of us are accustomed to slathering Vicks Vapo Rub on our chests to ease our sinuses, but did you know that if yuo rub it on your feet (or that of your highly ticklish child) and cover them with socks, it curbs your cough? I swore it was an old wives tale, and being an old wife myself I thought the theory was at least worth a shot. Especially considering Brady's cough kept the whole family awake!
I also read about reflexology for babies (now before you go think I am one of "those" people, STOP) and how you can rub their feet on the bottom and then their toes and that it eases their sinuses. I figured it couldn't hurt to do a little of both and see what happens. No joke, it worked.
There's also this stuff called "Simply Saline" that is basically saline pressurized so when you squirt it in your nose it gets where it needs to go. Guess I should have warned you not to read this while eating. My apologies. Both kids actually allow me to do this, Brady is more willing, Kaylee requires me to hold her down, but when you're pretty much immobile there's not much you can do.
So the next time you, your children or the whole damn family have a cold and you can't find anyting on the shelf, try rubbing your feet and chest with Vicks, putting on a thick pair of socks, squrint saline up your nostrils to get those boogies out, then curl up with some tea and breathe easier. You're gonna thank me!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Personal Trainer - takes 2 & 3
Friday I went back to the gym to work out again. By Friday morning I was still pretty sore, but at least I could sit down on the toilet, put my socks on and reach to the back seat to "whack a kid" who was being noisy in the car.
I felt like I could handle it, take my beating and be on with my day. I was soooooooo wrong. Did you know that you can actually work out so hard (lifting weights, not running) that you throw up? I did not know that, and had I known I am pretty sure I wouldn't have let The Devil punish me so much.
I can say that I didn't actually vomit (which would have been more embarassing than me just carrying the garbage can around "just in case") but man oh man did I come close several times.
I am pretty ashamed of myself for getting into this kind of shape. Honestly it is just amazing to me to look at my body now compared to ten years ago. Why oh why didn't I wear bikinis more???
The good news is that I tried hard no to slack off and I actually had the beginnings of that "runners high" that people talk about, where you actually feel GOOD after working out, not wishing you were on a stretcher.
I did some little things over the weekend, lunges, stretching, etc and was ready to go yesterday. I ate right, I even washed my workout gear, I was mentally prepared to really push myself. And then our trainer "forgot" and never showed up.
So I felt a little guilty for staying and working out instead of heading back to the office, but I did go through with a workout and pushed myself as much as I could without barfing. However, I guess I didn't do a good enough job. If the measure of how hard I worked is whether or not I can sit on the toilet, then I did a pretty crappy job by myself.
I felt like I could handle it, take my beating and be on with my day. I was soooooooo wrong. Did you know that you can actually work out so hard (lifting weights, not running) that you throw up? I did not know that, and had I known I am pretty sure I wouldn't have let The Devil punish me so much.
I can say that I didn't actually vomit (which would have been more embarassing than me just carrying the garbage can around "just in case") but man oh man did I come close several times.
I am pretty ashamed of myself for getting into this kind of shape. Honestly it is just amazing to me to look at my body now compared to ten years ago. Why oh why didn't I wear bikinis more???
The good news is that I tried hard no to slack off and I actually had the beginnings of that "runners high" that people talk about, where you actually feel GOOD after working out, not wishing you were on a stretcher.
I did some little things over the weekend, lunges, stretching, etc and was ready to go yesterday. I ate right, I even washed my workout gear, I was mentally prepared to really push myself. And then our trainer "forgot" and never showed up.
So I felt a little guilty for staying and working out instead of heading back to the office, but I did go through with a workout and pushed myself as much as I could without barfing. However, I guess I didn't do a good enough job. If the measure of how hard I worked is whether or not I can sit on the toilet, then I did a pretty crappy job by myself.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I am totally moving to Mexico
What the hell?? It isn't even Thanksgiving yet but already its frickin' snowing here. My gosh! I last saw snowflakes in mid-June for God's sake. I need a break man!
I am really considering doubling up on my anti-depression meds, I already feel like throwing myself in front of a train. Seriously, I was nearly in tears when I caught the first glimpse of the snow this afternoon. Granted it isn't sticking to the ground yet or anything, but it looks like it is starting to slush up a bit.
Which, by the way, totally sucks because I am wearing a damn dress and high heels for cripe's sake. Mother Nature must be laughing her ass off right now. Although I am a little surprised to see the snow, and so early because I can count at least three people who didn't own snowthrowing equipment last year that have since made that purchase. I kind of suspected based on murphy's law that would guarantee us a mild winter. Apparently I was VERY wrong.
And to all you skier/snowboarder/winter loving freaks out there get a job and work 5 days a week for crying out loud. Quit jumping up and down and being all excited. If you have to shovel the god damn walkway every day just to get into your office and watch 80,000 people drive up to the mountain while you slave away in your office 5 days a week you'd be singing a different tune my friends.
Oh God, now it IS starting to accumulate on the picnic table outside my window. Anyone know of any cool jobs in Mexico? Hell I'd even move to Arizona or Arkansas at this point. Anything beats another 7 months of cold, white hell.
I am really considering doubling up on my anti-depression meds, I already feel like throwing myself in front of a train. Seriously, I was nearly in tears when I caught the first glimpse of the snow this afternoon. Granted it isn't sticking to the ground yet or anything, but it looks like it is starting to slush up a bit.
Which, by the way, totally sucks because I am wearing a damn dress and high heels for cripe's sake. Mother Nature must be laughing her ass off right now. Although I am a little surprised to see the snow, and so early because I can count at least three people who didn't own snowthrowing equipment last year that have since made that purchase. I kind of suspected based on murphy's law that would guarantee us a mild winter. Apparently I was VERY wrong.
And to all you skier/snowboarder/winter loving freaks out there get a job and work 5 days a week for crying out loud. Quit jumping up and down and being all excited. If you have to shovel the god damn walkway every day just to get into your office and watch 80,000 people drive up to the mountain while you slave away in your office 5 days a week you'd be singing a different tune my friends.
Oh God, now it IS starting to accumulate on the picnic table outside my window. Anyone know of any cool jobs in Mexico? Hell I'd even move to Arizona or Arkansas at this point. Anything beats another 7 months of cold, white hell.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Why do I punish myself?
In a moment of weakness recently I suggested to Mark that perhaps we should share a personal trainer at the Coldwater Creek employee fitness center, so that we could both get in shape for ski season.
We decided that it was a brilliant idea to take the kids skiing this winter, thinking that would make the long cold hell that is winter in north Idaho a bit more bearable. So off we went to the gym yesterday for the first time together since before we were married with children.
May I say that today I feel as though I am lugging aroung tree trunks instead of legs? My flabby arms are so sore that I can barely lift a coffee cup to my lips? My abs are so painful that laughing hurts so badly it makes me pee a little?
And today I was running late for a meeting and attempted to, well, actually run to my car. I thought my feet were glued to the pavement, or at the very least stuck on the ground with some heavy-duty bubble gum on the soles of my shoes.
There is something else on my mind today too: I don't like personal trainers. They're mean. They make you work really hard and they don't listen to you when you tell them something is too heavy.
I am sure they've "heard it all before" but when a grown woman with a full time job and two small children steps into the gym for the first time in over 5 years, she's not shitting you when she says that 16 sit ups on an incline are a little bit impossible.
She's not "pulling your leg" when she tells you that 16 reps at the bench press with 35 pounds is more than she can handle. I have given birth to two children, I know my tolerance for pain. And I was WAY over that mark yesterday.
So now I can barely move, muscles I didn't even know were still functional are screaming, and I am stuck at my desk which will only further enhance my muscle cramping situation. I will be back at it again on Friday, working out with that personal trainer, also known as The Devil (and by the way, I said "jeez" when he described an exercise and he yelled at me for taking the Lord's name in vain), and hoping to God that I can at least chase the kids down this weekend.
And you know what? The personal trainer is damn lucky I didn't say what I wanted to say which involved the f-word. Repeatedly.
ADDENDUM: Okay, I just went to the bathroom and I could barely sit down, and thus barely get back up. Hear this personal trainer devil dude: I reserve the right to take the Lord's name in vain and say whatever the hell else I want to say if you punish my body so badly that the next day I am barely even able to take a shit. Nuff said.
We decided that it was a brilliant idea to take the kids skiing this winter, thinking that would make the long cold hell that is winter in north Idaho a bit more bearable. So off we went to the gym yesterday for the first time together since before we were married with children.
May I say that today I feel as though I am lugging aroung tree trunks instead of legs? My flabby arms are so sore that I can barely lift a coffee cup to my lips? My abs are so painful that laughing hurts so badly it makes me pee a little?
And today I was running late for a meeting and attempted to, well, actually run to my car. I thought my feet were glued to the pavement, or at the very least stuck on the ground with some heavy-duty bubble gum on the soles of my shoes.
There is something else on my mind today too: I don't like personal trainers. They're mean. They make you work really hard and they don't listen to you when you tell them something is too heavy.
I am sure they've "heard it all before" but when a grown woman with a full time job and two small children steps into the gym for the first time in over 5 years, she's not shitting you when she says that 16 sit ups on an incline are a little bit impossible.
She's not "pulling your leg" when she tells you that 16 reps at the bench press with 35 pounds is more than she can handle. I have given birth to two children, I know my tolerance for pain. And I was WAY over that mark yesterday.
So now I can barely move, muscles I didn't even know were still functional are screaming, and I am stuck at my desk which will only further enhance my muscle cramping situation. I will be back at it again on Friday, working out with that personal trainer, also known as The Devil (and by the way, I said "jeez" when he described an exercise and he yelled at me for taking the Lord's name in vain), and hoping to God that I can at least chase the kids down this weekend.
And you know what? The personal trainer is damn lucky I didn't say what I wanted to say which involved the f-word. Repeatedly.
ADDENDUM: Okay, I just went to the bathroom and I could barely sit down, and thus barely get back up. Hear this personal trainer devil dude: I reserve the right to take the Lord's name in vain and say whatever the hell else I want to say if you punish my body so badly that the next day I am barely even able to take a shit. Nuff said.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Vote For Pedro
When you are about to cast your vote tomorrow in what is being hailed as the most important election in modern history, I want you to remember one thing:
Vote for Pedro
I am getting VERY tired of the name calling, accusations, slanderous remarks and sleazy tactics (but nevermind that I TiVo "All My Children"), I am so ready to just write in Pedro for President. Can I do that?
Vote for Pedro
I am getting VERY tired of the name calling, accusations, slanderous remarks and sleazy tactics (but nevermind that I TiVo "All My Children"), I am so ready to just write in Pedro for President. Can I do that?
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