Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sanity, sanity, wherefore art though sanity?

The last couple months have been beyond crazy. Let me say first that I am grateful for all my blessings, which are many: a home, wonderful kidlets, a really cool hubs, a great job, our health, and you know blah blah blah.

So why in the name of all that is good and holy am I suffering from anxiety attacks all over again? It has been a RARE occasion that I have experienced them over the past year, but lately I am just in a constant state of anxiety.

Do you know what it feels like to live with the sensation that a sumo wrestler is standing on your chest at all times? Do you know how freaking embarassing it is to have to drive while inhaling/exhaling into a paper bag so you don't go apeshit?

Can you fathom the frustration people like me feel when they realize that it takes less than 60 seconds to be completely and utterly worked into a frenzy, and yet it takes 4 days, 3 xanax, 2 bottles of wine and a full day of sleep to get rid of it?

Do you know that you can give yourself MORE anxiety by being anxious about having an anxiety attack? Have you ever heard of an adult woman chasing her tail? Welcome to my world!

I am, as I type this, feeling an even heightened sense of anxiousness, solely because I'm talking about it. OMG!

I hope that after the holidays, the new office move, the Tiger Woods debacle and the H1N1 scare are over that I'll start to feel better. Meantime, I'm off to find a quiet place to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep.

1 comment:

Sara O said...

I can sympathize. Use to have attacks on my way to work in SF on BART. Of course I hated public transportation, was unhappy in my job, and was in a dead end relationship; but I still remember the horrible feeling of the attacks. I didn't know what they were then, I thought I just needed to eat more breakfast. Not sure why I thought not eating breakfast would cause me to have tingling hands, cold sweats, pounding heart, and feel like I would hit the floor at any minute. Hang in there!!! This will pass. Thing spring, sun, warm happy thoughts.