Monday, November 1, 2010

Workplace Restroom Etiquette

Now that I am back among the employed in a building with a couple hundred people (instead of just a couple) I am remembering what it's like to share a bathroom space with people you have never met.

As such I have developed a short list of "tips" for people who are in a similar situation.  You know, I always try to be helpful. 

Without further delay, here are my top tips for people in the workplace to remember about the employee restroom:

1. If you poop, PLEASE oh PLEASE remember to spray something in the stall for God’s sake. We all drop the deuce now and then (coffee and fiber are a deadly combo) but if you do happen to soil the bowl please do us all a favor and use room deodorizer, I hate to tell you but your shit does, in fact, stink.

2. Don’t leave the radio running in the restroom with a public radio station on. There’s nothing more frightening in the early morning before the IV dose of caffeine kicks in and you hear a male voice speaking in hushed tones on the other side of the stall door. I will always think I made a wrong turn and ended up in the men’s room.

3. FYI the bathroom is not your personal office. Do not answer your cell phone on the shitter. Do not go in there to make a personal call. Do it at your desk like everyone else. Sheesh.

4. In reference to item #3 if the person on the other side of the cell phone knew you were going “tinkle tinkle” while talking to them, they would probably throw up a little. Don’t do it.

5. And if you break rule #3, make sure you have the decency to speak in English so we can eavesdrop as is our right, and so we also know you aren’t talking about that really tall lady that was crop dusting you on the stairs earlier.

I am SURE I missed something, so please, comment at will.

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