Kids say the Darndest things

I picked the kids up Friday and drove them home. When I pulled in the garage and opened the back door to unbuckle Kaylee, the most ungodliest stench wafted towards my nostrils.

I asked both kids who "tooted" and neither one of them would claim it. I asked which one of them pooped their pants, and again, no takers. Finally I said "It smells like farts back here guys, which one of you was it?" and do you know what my angelic daughter said?

"It wasn't us Mom. That smells like one of YOURS."

I joined the "OMG I need a glass of wine or I'm gonna sell my kids" group on Facebook.

Other duties as assigned

Everyone has "other duties as assigned" in their job description. EVERYONE. Usually it means minor things like taking your turn making coffee, running errands on occasion, filling in at a high level meeting for your boss that you know nothing about and look like a dweeb because you can't answer anyone's questions, stuff like that.

For me, as a nonprofit employee/executive it has meant a few things over the past year like unplugging toilets in the visitor's center, cleaning up vomit in the bathroom of aforementioned visitor center and most recently bailing out the office during the "big leak" of 2009.

Last Friday, by far, takes the cake. As the glacier covering the park where our office is located gently receded we started to notice a lot of trash strewn about the place. I don't know if people are really that stupid that they think by tossing their crap in the snow that it too, will melt and disappear, or if they are just assholes that don't know any better. I am going with the latter on this one.

Anyhoo, when the last of the snow finally disappeared (until this morning but that isssue will be added to my venting machine later) lots and lots of trash was left behind. I figured that since we are seeing more visitors we should probably go ahead and clean the place up. I grabbed some rubber gloves (thankfully) and a big orange garbage bag. The only thing missing? An orange vest with the word "inmate" on it.

Another gal from the office and I filled up a giant orange bag with garbage. Among the items recovered: a plastic paint bucket, enough cigarette butts to lay end to end around the freaking earth, empty potato chip packages, a sock, a rubber glove and my personal favorite: a used condom.

Yes folks, you heard that right: a used condom. I can kind of understand the cigarette butts (people with no brains throw them out of their windows all the time), and I suppose some of the other stuff like a sock (maybe they left it on the car roof or something) and the paint bucket could have fallen out of the back of the truck.

But I really cannot grasp why in the hell I would find a used condom on the side of the road along highway 95. I am trying reeeaaaaalllllyyyyyyy hard not to let my imagination get the best of me on this one. I wish there was a brain eraser that I could scrub my memory with. Then again, maybe Xanax and wine would do the trick. Anyone know where I can find some?

Oh Spring, Spring, Wherefore Art Thou Spring?

Further evidence that we are all tired of winter here in North Idaho: Even our wildlife would prefer to be indoors!

This moose was eyeing the remote and the basketball game on TV. Apparently it looked much more comfortable for him to be indoors in the comfort of the cushy leather chair than outdoors in the snow (that just doesn't seem to stop coming).

And I feel really sorry for the moose if watching the NCAA tourney is more appealing than scrounging for food in the frozen tundra of north Idaho.

It sure says something when even our wildlife have had it with winter.

Photo courtesy of Bruce Johnson

The Venting Machine!

I don't normally read the comics in the paper, but for some reason today I decided to take a gander. I cut this out, scanned it in and I just have to share it with you:


Mind you, my boss isn't a jerk, but well, taxes do suck. What I would like to do, however, is load that venting machine up with some of my own things.

I am going to buy the following:

1. 1 can of why the hell can't it be spring.


2. 1 package of I don't understand why you can't drink red wine and take a Xanax? (ooops, I actually just typed whine!)


3. 1 container of it's sunny and clear and I am stuck at work instead of skiing.


4. 1 box of the fat on my ass is flattening from sitting at my desk too much.


5. 1 serving of I hate that you can find sports on TV 365 days a year

Tell me world, what ELSE should be in the venting machine?

My computer is allegedly fixed

I have my computer back. Allegedly it works. Mark used it last night and said it was fine. I'll test it tonight with some real websites like Facebook. We'll see how it runs then!