I am on the cusp of truly experiencing Bliss & Chaos, 24/7: Mark and I are moving to the Portland area at the end of May for the job opportunity of a lifetime at Nike. And it is Mark who got the job of a lifetime, I'll be leaving mine. And apparently the job market in old P-town is a little tight so I get to have some time off with my hoodlums for a few months while I find my next career.
So I'll be a full-time stay home mom for awhile until I can convince some poor sucker out there to hire me.
Many people have been asking me what I want to do next and I have no idea. I swear. NONE. I have a list of things I DO NOT want to do, so that will be mildly helpful in my quest. Those items are as follows:
1. I do not want to be a President/CEO/Executive Director. I'm far too young to have so much responsibility. You know, raising two small children is WAAAAY less responsibility than running an organization, right? RIGHT?
2. I do not want to be in the public. I'm tired of going places and running into people I know. Oh wait, maybe that's the small town thing. OK so I'm desperate to feel no guilt on Saturday morning showing up at a public event with my two hooligan children in tow, no shower, no make up and wearing sweats.
3. I do not want to manage anyone. Not because managing people is a bad thing, but the people I've been "managing" require no management and I can barely parent two small children and convince them to wear their shoes, how am I going to manage grown ups? I don't think I have the skills!
4. I don't want to be someone's corporate bitch. Nuff said.
5. I don't want to be responsible for an entire organizational budget. I married a bean counter for a reason, it ain't my skill set.
6. I don't want my own office. I'm lonely in here.
7. I don't want to be required to make decisions. I really want to be told what to do, I am getting quite good at it with two small children in the house.
8. I don't want to have to sit at a desk all day. Mostly because my ass still hurts from that fall on Easter Sunday when God punished me for cheating during lent. YES, he DID.
I guess that sums it all up for now. Basically, I need your help in determining my next career. Will you please vote on my poll?
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I was punished by God
I am 100% convinced that my fall down the stairs on Easter Sunday was no accident. Here's the timeline of events:
February 16th, AKA fat tuesday I decide (against my better judgement) to give up sweets and alcohol for lent. The sweets I can handle, booze? Yeah, not so much.
March 27th, AKA Mark and Amy's first date night in 1000 years. I had wine & dessert with dinner (GADS, I know is was a Saturday but read on!).
March 28th, AKA black sunday I didn't eat ANY sweets or drink ANY alcohol because I "cheated" on the day before and was making up for it by being good. (if you are unaware, Lent is 40 days and doesn't include Sundays so you don't have to give up your stuff on Sundays. Don't believe me? Count the days and visit http://www.catholicismforweaklings.com/) Okay, just kidding about the website, but it is true.
April 2, AKA the night before easter Sunday, and my sister in law and I had a glass of wine. Yes I know lent wasn't over, but it was midnight somewhere in the world and I didn't really think God would mind, especially since He knew I would be in mass on Sunday morning.
April 3, AKA easter morning, from Friday night until Sunday morning before mass I made multiple trips up and down my sister in laws gorgeous and seemingly fresh polished hardwood stairs. No problem. The FIRST trip down the stairs AFTER mass, and I repeat IMMEDIATELY AFTER easter mass I slipped on the stairs and fell on my ass.
Coincidence? I think not. And yes, my ass still hurts. Just sayin'....
February 16th, AKA fat tuesday I decide (against my better judgement) to give up sweets and alcohol for lent. The sweets I can handle, booze? Yeah, not so much.
March 27th, AKA Mark and Amy's first date night in 1000 years. I had wine & dessert with dinner (GADS, I know is was a Saturday but read on!).
March 28th, AKA black sunday I didn't eat ANY sweets or drink ANY alcohol because I "cheated" on the day before and was making up for it by being good. (if you are unaware, Lent is 40 days and doesn't include Sundays so you don't have to give up your stuff on Sundays. Don't believe me? Count the days and visit http://www.catholicismforweaklings.com/) Okay, just kidding about the website, but it is true.
April 2, AKA the night before easter Sunday, and my sister in law and I had a glass of wine. Yes I know lent wasn't over, but it was midnight somewhere in the world and I didn't really think God would mind, especially since He knew I would be in mass on Sunday morning.
April 3, AKA easter morning, from Friday night until Sunday morning before mass I made multiple trips up and down my sister in laws gorgeous and seemingly fresh polished hardwood stairs. No problem. The FIRST trip down the stairs AFTER mass, and I repeat IMMEDIATELY AFTER easter mass I slipped on the stairs and fell on my ass.
Coincidence? I think not. And yes, my ass still hurts. Just sayin'....
Friday, April 9, 2010
Turn on your damn ears
I know that I've blogged about this before, but O.M.F.G. (you KNOW what the F is for) I cannot for the life of me accept my children's lack of listening skills. As you are painfully aware there's a difference between HEARING and LISTENING. According to children, these are THEIR definitions:
HEARING: Mom/Dad, I hear you when you are talking. No matter what you say I will decide if I will actually acknowledge you. So for things like "brush your teeth" or "put on your shoes" I will determine, at my earliest convenience, when I will actually LISTEN and do what you ask.
LISTENING: Mom/Dad, I will listen to you only when I Goddamn feel like it and only when you say things of interest to me, such as "Who wants ice cream" or "Who wants a puppy?" If you insist on saying things like "put your clothes on" "get in the car" and "stop smakcing your brother" note that I will HEAR you, but I will not do as you command. I do have the ability to transition from HEARING to LISTENING, but I caution you that just adding words like "or I'll spank your butt" or "you will not get a cookie" makes little difference to me. I do, however, have the ability to measure the octave of your voice and can tell how close you are to actually enforcing said punishments like spankings and it is at that critical juncture when I will turn my ears on and LISTEN. And not one freaking minute sooner.
HEARING: Mom/Dad, I hear you when you are talking. No matter what you say I will decide if I will actually acknowledge you. So for things like "brush your teeth" or "put on your shoes" I will determine, at my earliest convenience, when I will actually LISTEN and do what you ask.
LISTENING: Mom/Dad, I will listen to you only when I Goddamn feel like it and only when you say things of interest to me, such as "Who wants ice cream" or "Who wants a puppy?" If you insist on saying things like "put your clothes on" "get in the car" and "stop smakcing your brother" note that I will HEAR you, but I will not do as you command. I do have the ability to transition from HEARING to LISTENING, but I caution you that just adding words like "or I'll spank your butt" or "you will not get a cookie" makes little difference to me. I do, however, have the ability to measure the octave of your voice and can tell how close you are to actually enforcing said punishments like spankings and it is at that critical juncture when I will turn my ears on and LISTEN. And not one freaking minute sooner.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Why I love living in north Idaho
You know the saying, a picture speaks a thousand words? This one doesn't have to. It says it all in less than 10: We love meat so suck it vegetarians!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Things that are not fair
1. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs.
2. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs stone cold sober. If I had been drunk I wouldn't be sore all over my body.
3. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs the last week of ski season when the mountain has the best snow ever.
4. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then catching the one segment of AFV (as I am flipping through channels laying on my stomach with ice on my ass) that features a bunch of people falling on stairs.
5. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then having a 2 hour drive home where I had to sit on my ass.
6. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then working a job that requires me to sit on my ass all day in front of a computer.
7. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and not wanting to go to the Dr. for any help because of the sheer size of my ass now that I've been in a desk job for several years.
I think that just about covers it.
MORE CAME TO MIND:
8. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and still having a cold so that it hurts a LOT every freaking time I sneeze.
9. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and still having a cold and taking cold medicince that makes me fart. It hurts to fart.
10. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs whils having a cold because it hurts like hell to blow my nose.
2. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs stone cold sober. If I had been drunk I wouldn't be sore all over my body.
3. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs the last week of ski season when the mountain has the best snow ever.
4. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then catching the one segment of AFV (as I am flipping through channels laying on my stomach with ice on my ass) that features a bunch of people falling on stairs.
5. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then having a 2 hour drive home where I had to sit on my ass.
6. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and then working a job that requires me to sit on my ass all day in front of a computer.
7. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and not wanting to go to the Dr. for any help because of the sheer size of my ass now that I've been in a desk job for several years.
I think that just about covers it.
MORE CAME TO MIND:
8. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and still having a cold so that it hurts a LOT every freaking time I sneeze.
9. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs and still having a cold and taking cold medicince that makes me fart. It hurts to fart.
10. Falling on my ass on hardwood stairs whils having a cold because it hurts like hell to blow my nose.
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