Wednesday, June 22, 2011

WHY?!

If you are my facebook friend you know I've been bitching about getting sick.  Honestly this is the worst I've been sick in a long time, and I'm just chalking it up to getting old.  I'm staring down the last lap and a half of my 30's and have noticed some stuff that's changed.

For one thing, I don't remember being THIS miserable before.  When I say miserable, I mean the sinus tingling, sore throat causing, headache inducing plague that has turned my head into a booger manufacturing facility. 

I would like to note here that I'm not sure HOW I can generate so many boogers or where all this crap comes from, but when people suggest that God made us perfect, he did NOT, I repeat DID NOT think of having us burn fat to create mucus.  Just sayin'.  That would make this experience a bit more palatable.

I also noticed that in the past, in my sleep, when not able to breathe through my nose, the worst side effect might be a bit of a split lip from dryness of the old mouth, but now I'm getting these awesome, albeit adorable little pimples that retrace the steps of the drool that runs out when I'm in REM.  Super cool.

And if that isn't enough, the pimples are enhanced by the redness that surrounds my outer nostrils from the constant nose-blowing and at a certain point even the soft-lotion infused tissues are NOT going to cut it.  SO really, I'm just a vision of loveliness, how Mark can keep his hands to himself is a mystery I'll never understand.

But lastly, but not leastly, the most obvious sign that I am aging is that now when I'm sick there's this trifecta of awesomeness:  when I sneeze I also cough and AT THE SAME TIME, yes you guessed it, I pee a little.  What the hell happened to bladder control?  Kegel exercises my ass, and for the record I had two c-sections, never once did I have to force something the size of a bedroll through something the size of a Gopher hole opening.  WHY?!

3 comments:

Jennifer H said...

You so crack me up Amy! I agree, being the latter end of 4, things just start to leak out in all the wrong places. Look at the bright side, everyone is aging so maybe they can't see so well, since their eyesight is going. Hang in there, Jen

Jennifer H said...

Oops, I meant 40 of course, hey, so my eyesight is going too!

Mio said...

I firmly believe this is just some kind of vicious virus - you'll be well and young again soon. *nods*