Friday, January 11, 2013

Runner's Code of Honor

Recently Maude has been on a big ass tirade over stupid runners not wearing anything bright, light, or reflective while running in the dark.  Seriously, do they have a death wish?

Do they WANT to get hit so they can sue someone?  I don't know, but Maude has taken to rolling her window down (much to the embarrassment of the kids who are in the car 50% of the time) and yelling at these Darwin-Award winners to Put Some Freaking Reflective Shit ON!

I have people remind me all the time it's a survival of the fittest but I sure as hell don't want to be the one making that prophecy come true.  I've already had one near miss (another blog for another time).

I sure don't need the guilt, panic and memory of actually taking someone's life for Pete's sake.  (who is this Pete anyway? and did you ever notice the word ASS is in embarrass?  I just noticed....)  SQUIRREL! (I am so unable to focus lately)

So it got me thinking, there's a lot of dumb ass stuff we runners do, not all of us, not all the time, but we've all done something we shouldn't, at least once.

You have to pass a test before you get your driver's license and God knows you should have to pass one to be a parent, so why should we not have a code, a pledge, a "gentleman's agreement" if we lace up & pound the pavement?

I have attempted to capture a few things that I find important, as a runner, and as the operator of a motor vehicle (and yes, I'm aware I'm a bad driver, but STILL.....) and list them here.

Feel free to add on if I missed something, just be aware that I'm apparently a man-hating American whore and as such I need to "approve" your comments before they are published, you know in case you're some douche-bag with no life from Australia...

So much for instant gratification, eh?  I apologize for any comment-approving delays that may occur because I'm too busy hatin' the man.  Here is the CODE, in no particular order:

1.  I will always wear reflective shit if I run in the dark, near dark, pitch dark or kinda dark.  I will wear it if I think I might still be running hours later in the dark even if I leave while it's light.  This should include things like a headlamp, knuckle lights, reflective vest, reflective shoes, clothes that resemble fruit loops in color and/or blinkie lights if you have them.  At least two items from this list should be worn.

2.  If I choose to run in the dark, near dark, pitch dark or kinda dark I will (in particular if you don't have a penis on you) run with at least ONE HUMAN BUDDY.  It does NOT matter if the buddy has a penis or not, just remember safety in numbers.  A dog, as great as they are, does not count.  I'm sorry.

3.  I will NEVER assume that a car sees me.  Even in broad daylight.  Even when I've made eye contact (or so I think).  I will wait for the wave or nod before I move.  This includes, but is not limited to driveways, stop signs or parking lots. 

4.  I will obey the traffic laws, even if it means I have to stop and wait until the crosswalk light says walk.  That means I have to pause my Garmin and stop, and yes it sucks.  But you don't want to be the bug on someone's windshield that doesn't see you and goes flying through the intersection.

5.  I will NOT run when I am injured.  It only makes things worse.  Your BRF will miss you for a few runs, but the endless hours you'll log because you didn't have to have something surgically repaired will be just desserts for the down time.  Speaking of dessert and downtime, be careful there.....dangerous territory.

6.  I will take water with me on long runs, when it's hot, or any combination thereof.  And fuel.  If I need fuel I'll bring that too.  And if I run with a buddy, I'll be sure to have fuel for said buddy in case they forget.  (I've been the forgetter......more than once, thank BRF for the Skittles)

7.  I will compete with myself, every time I race, and even if I have a shitty time I'll high five the CRAP out of all my running buddies, regardless of how I'm feeling. (I have never met anyone who didn't do this, just thought it should be part of the CODE).  Runners are generally the most supportive bunch of athletes I know.

8.  I will not attend any race and post myself at the "2 miles to go mark" and hold a sign that says"You're Almost There" because that's just not done.  Thank you Another Mother Runner ladies for bringing that to my attention.  (note, this was not an original thought, thank you again Sarah Bowen Shea)  This should unequivocally and absolutely be part of THE CODE.

9.  I will always, no matter what, be proud of what I accomplish.  Every run.  Every time.

10.  I will always be proud of my running buddy too.

Above all else, if you see  Maude out there running, slap her on the ass and tell her to relax a little, would ya?

Love always,
Maude, the menopausal maniac
AKA Amy Little
AKA the man-hating American woman whore


LatteLover said...

Good Lord, these are awesome. As are you, BRF. :-)

LatteLover said...

Don't forget this important one: I will force myself to eat a banana (and not gag it up) to keep the Runner's Trots at bay while running a relay with my Girlfriends in the middle of Nowhere Oregon in the middle of the night... ;-)