Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Multi-tasking challenge

So I can drive a car, talk on the phone, drink a bottle of water and twirl my hair all at the same time, but apparently I cannot tub and get two children ready for bed simultaneously. Shouldn't be that difficult.....but it is.

Last night while I tubbed Brady, Kaylee stood next to the tub buck-ass naked and sobbing "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!" And where was I? A foot away. What-ev!

While she was standing there sobbing & naked I said "Hey Kaylee, do you need to go potty?" Thinking now would be an optimal time to use the toilet. "No!" she says.

BUT as soon as I put her ass in the tub she started screaming "I need to go potty! I'm going to pee in the tub!" I took Brady to his room, showed him his pajamas, pull ups and socks (a simple three step process, one would think this would be a slam dunk) and went in to tend to an apparently exhausted 5 year old.

I hurried, scrubbed, washed, and rinsed as fast as I could. There was NO WAY in hell I was going to let her out of the tub until she was done. Man oh man, have you ever tried to quickly tub an angry 5 year old who is the size of the average 7 year old? I'd rather pull my toenails out.

I got her out, dried her ass off and put her, yes shoved her, onto the toilet thinking she was going to freaking explode. Tinkle tinkle. 2 seconds, that was IT! ARRRRGH! Are you kidding me? All that screaming for what amounted to a teaspoon of piss?

It was then that I realized Brady was being oh so quiet in his room. A sure sign that he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing. I figured he was playing with cars or reading books while completely naked (apparently the kid enjoys wearing just the birthday suit).

But oh no, he wasn't playing, nor was he dressed. He found the nearly full container of Vaseline and was "applying" it to his butt. And it was EVERYWHERE!!!!! Chunks of it all over his butt, in the crack, up his back, on his hips, and ALL OVER HIS FINGERS! EWW! And there was only about half of the Vaseline left. The whole situation was disturbing, and extremely hilarious.

I was laughing so hard and said "Wow Brady, what a good job you are doing" while trying not to pee myself. And ya know what that little stinker said? "You're WELCOME, Mom!"


Sarah said...

Quinn recently discovered the vaseline as well! He got it all over the carpet....yes...the carpet! I only wish he would have gotten it all over himself instead! I bet Brady was one slippery guy! :)

Amy Little said...

Oh no, not the carpet!!! Ewwww! It was bad enough trying to wash his hands off!!

Anonymous said...

I loved your story Amy!! Don't you just love parenting?? The ups and downs make it one of the greatest jobs ever! Just when you can't stand it, they do something so cute!! I hope you are doing well!

Amy Little said...

Thanks Kelly! You are so right...just when you want to pull your hair out, they redeem themselves by being sickeningly adorable. I love being a Mom, I'd probably have more kids if Mark would let me! :)

Deena said...

OMG! That was HILARIOUS! I can totally relate. Kaylee is Hannah in that story. Swear to freakin' god...Brady is too funny! LOVE IT!

Amy Little said...

Yeah, Brady was SO PROUD of himself. It was hilarious!!!!