Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Internet, AT LAST!

My sincere apologies to the few, the proud, the Bliss and Chaos followers (pretty sure mostly just my relatives so you have to forgive me anyway), but we finally and I mean FINALLY got Internet access late last Friday.  Before I dive into the topic of the day, here's a little recap of what has been going on:

Mark was offered a job at Nike in Beaverton, we moved, I left my full time job and am now, officially, an alcoholic stay at home mommy with a part time contracting job administering a grant.  We have been here for two weeks and have discovered the zoo, Winco foods and the fact that the reason my children rarely fought before was because they weren't around each other very much.

Now that we're here, and have been trapped in our house for two weeks while watching a monsoon outside, I have come to realize that siblings aren't meant to be together 24/7.  They are genetically programmed to fight, as previously discussed, but they are also pre-programmed to kick the hell out of each other on a regular schedule, about every ten minutes of the day.

If their little spider senses kick in and they realize that I am not watching their every move (seriously I have shit to do like laundry & clean kids!) they automatically start kicking, scratching, biting, shoving, pushing and otherwise tormenting each other.  Which, in turn, causes me to step in, blow the whistle and BAM!  They have my attention once again.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

But, I digress.  The topic of the day is my newly found and disturbingly detailed obsession with finding a lightweight, handheld vacuum that can easily be transported up and down the stairs in our rental house.  Our current vacuum is a tank and while I've attempted, albeit quite unsuccessfully, to suction our stairs, it has become glaringly apparent that unless I can eventually bench twice my own weight, I need something SPECIFIC to clean the stairs.

And I am slightly concerned with my voracious research on the topic and seemingly natural inclination to turn up my nose at anything "rechargeable" or "bagless" God forbid I try these new-fangled contraptions.  I am wholly obsessed with finding a lightweight handheld portable vacuum WITH bags AND a cord and am actually getting frustrated because I can't find "just what I am looking for".

This disturbs me in ways you cannot imagine.  For a woman who up until two weeks ago mostly microwaved food and ate standing up, who barely gave the vacuum a second glance (and only accidentally discovered that you actually NEED to change vacuum bags on occasion) I have become the woman who has dinner on the table, AT THE TABLE, sitting down and with napkins no less and am utterly and completely fixated on cleanliness.  What the hell?

Stay tuned for the next episode of Amy: OCD alcoholic, chef, maid and multi-tasking extraordinaire.  It only gets more interesting...

5 comments:

debbiew@microsoft.com said...

Love your new material, Amy. Keep it coming! I can always use the laughs you provide....

Anonymous said...

This is great Amy- very entertaining. Whats for dinner tonight?

Lisa Ailport

Anonymous said...

Amy, thanks for the hilarity! I love your blog!

Don said...

On your blog that appeared in The Oregonian, Saturday, June 19th. (As I look back I see it was acutallly posted on the 8th.) I'm not normally a blog reader, but really appreciated your writing--so typical of a mother with young chidlren.

But the reason for writing, I have a portable hand held vacuum--with a rotating brush, yet--that I want to sell--$20. I realize that you may have one by now, but contact me if you want a picture of it. I'm in Aloha.

Amy Little said...

HI Don! As luck would have it my sweet hubs brought one home to me this weekend. And yes, I am loving it. It is kind of odd to have that kind of unnatural affinity for a cleaning electronic but I do. There, I said it.