Day 1: Wow, tasty yogurt!
Day 2: Tasty yogurt. I'm kind of gassy though. Can't be the Activia, though!
Day 3: Wow, yogurt. I am really gassy. My husband won't even get within five feet of me. What could I have eaten?
Day 4: Yogurt. SOOO gassy. When am I gonna poop?
Day 5: Damn yogurt. Bloated from the gas. How much longer before the damn bursts?
Day 6: Goddamn yogurt. At least the damn burst tongiht, but I might have to call the plumber. And my husband STILL won't come near me.
Day 7: Freaking yogurt. Still bloated. Still gassy. STILL POOPING. On my to-do list: buy toilet paper, a plunger and some air fragrance.
Day 8: On the plus side: At least now I have a morning crapper. Minus: So damn gassy at night. Husband thinking of sleeping outside to get away from the stench.
Day 9: When they say "regulate" your digestive system does it really mean farting for 4 hours at night, followed by extreme crapping, jet propulsion edition? NOTE TO SELF: Buy stock in Charmin.
Day 10: Still eating that vile gas producing husband repelling colon cleanse in a container. Fucking yogurt. Sorry, gotta go, time to make a deposit in the excrement bank.
Day 11: No more of that shit. Still gassy.
Day 12: Took a big crapper this morning. How long will it take to cycle out of my system for god's sake?
Day 13: Still farting, no husband within 100 feet and now I'm constipated as hell.
Day 14: Activia, you win. Regular in 14 days. As in regularly gassy, bitchy and smelly. Hey, who needs yogurt for that?
2 comments:
I am, from now on, your loyal follower. I had no idea a bad stomach could be this fun... for the ones just reading about it! ;-)
Geez, same thing happens to me when I eat ANY yogurt...you might consider a lactose intolerance and stay off the crap or make Mark eat it just to level the playing field.
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