Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I knew I should have gone back to bed...

Yesterday I woke up (slightly hungover but VERY tired) and headed to the gym for my morning work out.  I had planned on an intense cardio adventure, mostly so I could sweat out my debauchery from the night before.

Tami, my Tamoxifen induced alter-ego, was in a very emotional and fragile state yesterday at the gym.  As I sweated and panted away on the stair mill (OMG this machine is TORTURE for reals) and switched to the spin bike Tami cried.

Tami cried when "I'm sexy and I know it" came on in my headphones.....remembering the night of surgery and subjecting my husband and the poor anesthesiologist to my musical stylings. 

Tami cried when "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" came on, remembering that little video of the nurses and those kids dancing and singing to the song. 

Tami cried on the last minute of the bike workout, for what possible reason I have no idea.  She just cried.  For the hell of it.  Which kind of makes it hard to breathe to be honest.  Damn her.

So Tami was along for the ride ALL DAMN DAY.  My poor, poor, poor, poor children.  Tami also has a REALLY SHORT FUSE.  And no patience.  NONE. 

Granted the kids are accustomed to me making idle threats and not carrying them out so they just assume when I say things five times like "you'd better not fight or you'll be stuck inside all day" they assume that really means I won't care and they can go about their business.

Tami, on the other hand, Tami steps in and says "oh no you didn't girlfriend!  you didn't just make an idle threat, watch me while I scare the crap out of your kids and send them to their rooms for the day."

Tami got the job done.  Oh me oh my.  WOW.  Brady was so freaked out he passed out asleep in his bed, I am left only to assume that would be his "flight" of the "fight or flight response" to fear.  Kaylee told Tami that she wanted a new, nicer Mom which only angered Tami further.  Talk about adding fuel to the fire.

Eventually I was able to bitch slap Tami and have a calm conversation with my kids.  Lunch went well, and things were going along swimmingly until we had to hit Fred Meyer for some supplies for the back to school ice cream social last night.

Let me just say this, my husband called to figure out our Subway sandwich plans and ended up coming and FINDING ME in the store to take the children away.  He acted like it was to help me out, but I'm pretty sure he knew that Tami meant what she said when she told him she was "so frustrated with these goddamn children that I think I'll leave them here."

Here's hoping today is a better day and Tami takes a break.  I couldn't be leaving for a 7 day vacation with my husband at a better time.  Thank God my mom is coming to watch the hooligans....and I hope she doesn't have a Tami living in her or my kids WILL run away.

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