Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Tami says.....

I love love love having medication to blame for my judgemental thoughts.  Thank you TAMOXIFEN.  Today's rant has been brought to you by the pharmaceutical company Teva.

These are some of Tami's rules for the gym.  One would think that I might stop going because it seems like I get super annoyed whenever I do.  But, that's just Tami.  Amy is always glad to be there and feels like a million bucks when she's done.  Tami, well she just wants to vent.


1.  Do NOT park your freaking motorcycle in a car parking space.  There ARE designated places for you to park your crotch rocket and those of us who actually drive safely would appreciate it if you would use them, and not park your machine in one of the few precious car spots available.

2.  If you go to the gym to chat with your friends, don't sit on the g-damn machines.  Some of us are here to WORK OUT, not have coffee hour.  Seriously, a couple of guys were sitting on the two machines I needed, talking like they were at the fricken mall.  Move your ass please I need to get my sweat on.

3.  If you use the sit up bench, don't monopolize it FOR AN HOUR.  There are other options so other people who can't use their arms properly can actually get a decent ab workout on occasion.

4.  Please don't look at my boobs.  PLEASE.  I know they were smaller two months ago, but I don't have the "hell yes they're fake my other ones tried to kill me" workout tank JUST YET.  But I will.  Meantime, I know your judgemental looks and stop.  JUST STOP.

5.  People who own the gym: Do you not see that 99% of your customers wear their own headphones?  We don't need you to turn up the music so freaking loud that we can barely hear our own.  That's why we have iTunes, so we can listen to what WE want to listen to.  DUH.  I can only take so much Cee Lo Green's Forget You at 6am.  Now if it were the explicit version I'd probably like it more.  That's how I roll.

6.  Flip flops and denim do NOT belong in a gym.  Not. At.  All.  Please, friends don't let friends wear inappropriate attire to work out.  Seriously.

7.  Please, wash your hands after you pee.  PLEASE.  I know that the gym is a cesspool of germs, but you don't need to add to it.  Gross.

8.  The grunting and the dropping.  I have feet WITH TOES and if you are grunting THAT LOUD maybe it's too heavy, and please for the LOVE OF GOD don't drop the damn weights 6 inches from my foot.  I'll kick your ass if you do with the other foot.  I will.  Don't make me.

9.  To the guy wearing the "I'm so old I fart dust" t-shirt.  I love you.  And not in an inappropriate way.  I just love you.  Thanks for the early morning giggle.  To the guy wearing no shirt, who pulled his pants down and exposed his underoos so he could check out his (shrinking) junk and bulging thigh muscles A) GROSS and B) no one needs to see that.  NO. ONE.

Last, but not least, Tami's final rule for the gym:

10.  If you see Tami coming, you might want to cut your workout short.  She's a cranky bitch and she might blog about how annoying you are to her.  And nothing good can come from that.  NOTHING.

1 comment:

Karen said...

Tami (aka Amy) -
Too funny...I probably could add some material of my own to your list. I too partake of the gym...and yes there is plenty of material...thank you for the laughter...I'll check back soon..Karen