It's been a week. Well, it's been a month. Check that, it's been a year. Hell, it's been a decade if I'm being honest. I won't list the "choose your own adventure" twist and turns of my last decade, many of you know me so you know what they are. What a ride, kids!
Everything came to a head at the end of January when I lost my job. In the span of less than 365 days I got a divorce and became unemployed. These items were not on my "before I turn 50 bucket list" but I can check them off now. And hey, I'm still standing! And on my own two feet, no less.
I am not even going to try to sugar-coat the last few weeks. Rough doesn't even begin to cover it. Rock bottom might be more accurate. I felt like I was there. Yet, I also knew I had a lot more to lose. So much more that, quite honestly, I'd started to take for granted. More on that later.
Maude has faced a LOT of adversity over the years, and each time she comes up swinging. She will fight, she will scrap, she will plot, she will take action, she will also cry, sob, spend sleepless nights worrying and live in total fear until everything works itself out the way that it should. It always works out.
This time was no different. More on that later too.
I had many conversations with my kids about facing adversity throughout this process. Some people might say I shouldn't tell my children so much, but to me I'm not doing them favors if I don't take a little time to talk about adversity and that how we handle it says everything about who we are and what we're made of.
Did I break down? Many, many times. Did I pick myself back up? Over and over. And it got harder and harder. But, I picked myself back up and kept fighting forward. I wanted my kids to see this. I want them to know that we don't give up. We keep up the fight. We stare adversity down until it backs away slowly with its hands up.
There were days when I was so despondent, and it is hard to describe the pain I felt during those moments. But, miraculously there was almost always someone reaching out to me to check-in and see how I was doing.
And many times those check-ins came from people from the way back time machine (high school!) or my River Discovery rafting trip in 2019 (COVID hit and I NEVER see those amazing humans).
Just when I felt like I was at my lowest, there was someone there to pick me back up. Those of you who reached out, from the bottom of my little cold, black, shriveled up heart: THANK YOU. You will NEVER EVER know what it meant to me. I will never take my network for granted again.
And for every person that checked in on me that was unexpected, there someone else I thought would care enough to make sure I was OK that didn't. That was hard. It was another powerful lesson in adversity, we are humans and we need to care about each other. Even when we might not know what do say. Say something, damnit.
Even if you are uncomfortable checking in on the divorced lady or the one who lost her job, know that your check-in will BE WELCOMED. Even if the ONLY thing you can ask is "are you ok?". These are such powerful words.
If you're afraid that's all she'll talk about if you ask, you would also be wrong. She wants to focus on 8000 other things than the current state of her life. Trust me, you won't get wrapped into a hour-long conversation about how crappy things in her life are. She's been thinking about it nonstop, she needs a change of pace. Just ask. That's all you need to do. Remember these words: "are you ok". So. easy.
So what did I do when this all went down? I approached applying for work like it was my full-time job. I also called and canceled 200 extra little subscriptions that I didn't need any more.
I canceled my gym membership (I have a weight set and spin bike at home).
I called the credit union to see if I could get a break on my car payment for a month or two. I was going to contact my mortgage company next.
I put my car up for sale.
I did not sit around and wait and hope that things would get better, I just went into business mode and took care of everything I thought I needed to.
I networked like my life depended on it! (remember a previous post where I reached out to someone I met once briefly from Spokane? THAT kind of networking).
Thank you to everyone that was willing to help when I reached out to ask. I will return the favor 1000 times if you need me to.
An experience like this is life-changing. At least it has been for me. I took some things for granted - for example my network of people - how did I ever do enough so right in my life to have so many awesome people willing to help? I'll never know. I'll work until I die to repay the kindness I've been shown.
I took my house for granted. For a few weeks there, I thought I could lose it. I do this thing called "catastrophizing" (a term I am intimately familiar with thanks to my therapist years ago).
What that means is I go from 0 to 60 thinking of a parade of horrible things that will happen as a result of the thing I'm experiencing. In this case: unemployment.
In my mind I went from gainfully employed to homeless, living with my mother, having lost my house, riding a bike everywhere and working at a strip club because no one else would hire me.
I thought I would lose my house, my car, my kids: everything (listed in no particular order). When you sit back and take stock of what you do have when you think you could lose it, and I mean like really lose it not in a hypothetical kind of way, it's HUMBLING. But I think it was one of the best things to happen to me.
Now I appreciate things so much more, I DO know what I stand to lose and I know what I'm made of. I will fight, I won't give in, and I won't give up. I hope that is an example my kids will remember. They are young, they will face adversity over and over. They already have.
As you might have guessed at this point, I do have a new job. I start in March. I can't say where or what - there's background checks to be complete and I'm hoping they don't find any dead bodies in my checkered past. I have about 2 weeks left to do things I want to do, or maybe nothing at all. Who am I kidding? I've got a list a mile long. But, I plan to take it easy anyway.
A few final notes before I sign off this less than hilarious blog post. This time has also taught me a lesson I didn't think I wanted to learn: I don't want to do this life alone. I'm not ready to NOT do it alone right now, but I'll get there. I know I will.
There is nothing lonelier than being scared and not having someone to share that with who can tell you everything is going to be all right. I don't know that I would ever have known I wanted someone around if not for this experience. On the plus side, starting a new job and finishing my MBA gives me PLENTY OF TIME to be ready. There's no rush!
I've had many questions about "golf guy" and "football game guy" (they are the same person, just different references) and what happened when I called him. Nothing. Really, nothing at all. He was VERY nice, offered to help and he did, actually.
He was willing to leverage his contacts to help some crazy mom with loose change and a couple of bucks that he met once in a line for a football game. He's my kind of person.
That said, I don't think there's any interest on his side and that is OK too because I'm not ready yet. I sent him a text the other day to see if he had a minute to chat, I felt like I should thank him over the phone instead of an impersonal text for being so kind and willing to help a stranger.
He said he was traveling for work and his phone was dying and asked if he could call the next day after 10. He called right about 10:15am. I thanked him for being willing to help and let him know I found a local position. And offered to help him if I ever could.
That was it. I told him I'd let him know where I will be working once it's OK to share. So, I think I will call him to tell him and see if he wants to hang out, ever.
We'll see what happens from there. Probably nothing at all. But I put myself out there and now I know I won't be afraid to do it again someday. Just not today.
As hard as all of this was, all I see are blessings. Big ones. This was one of the most difficult challenges I've faced but I made it through and I learned a lot about myself in the process.
I'm grateful.
For all of it.
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