Ok, I seriously am kind of a master at finding people. Some call it stalking, I call it my "Nancy Drew Detective Skills" (if you don't know who Nancy Drew is, stop reading now. You won't be able to relate to ANYTHING else I'm saying). In my old job, it came in SOOOOOOPER DOOOOOPER handy.
In my personal life, it's a bit dangerous.
Also, PS all that stuff I said about not wanting to date, well I think I was serious about it at the time but upon further reflection, it's not that I don't want to date, but that I am actually looking for someone specific.
And, I found him. GULP.
I must turn back time (ala Cher) to get you up to speed. My divorce was actually approved by the court last September. But, we'd been separated for months before that, and basically, it had been a long time coming. BUT, up until that point I was still married, technically speaking.
Therefore, the thought or the idea of someone new wasn't, well, even a thought. It was all pretty fresh so in October at the homecoming football game at the kid's high school I was horrendously underprepared to talk to an actual MAN, someone that I didn't know, who isn't part of my personal or professional circle, related to me by marriage or blood, or otherwise the husband of one of my friends.
I'll set the stage for this encounter - me, hair still dripping wet (and likely gray roots showing because I'm too lazy to color my hair often enough) because I jumped on the spin bike and took a quick shower before the game, no make-up, jeans, a sweatshirt, wearing my Chuck Taylors, carrying a ratty old blanket (so old in fact it used to be on my bed when I was like three years old). I was truly a vision.
My giant child, the one planning to play college basketball next year came barreling out to grab the wrist brace she asked me to bring because she forgot it. I handed it over and she asked if she could go to a party after the game. I reminded her of all the rules - "Make good choices, please. If you make a choice I don't agree with don't drive. call me or your Dad to pick you up. No consequences other than the crushing disappointed gaze I'll level for a day if you make a good choice after a bad one." That kind of thing.
This guy kind of bumped me from behind and said "Good job, mom." I am sure I mumbled something fairy unintelligible but we kind of kept talking and then we were standing side by side. At the time I knew right away: easy to talk to, tall, nice, funny, friendly, and fit. Totally my type.
Except, I thought, I am not ready to meet my type, seriously just look at me (see the aforementioned state of my appearance) and I don't even KNOW how to talk to someone of the male persuasion who I don't even know.
But, he made it easy enough. In our maybe five minute convo, I learned he had moved to Boise from my hometown over the summer, he had been golfing with some people from the alumni club all day who invited him to the game, he has two college-aged kids (one is a collegiate athlete, too) and above all I could tell he was really proud of his kids.
Um....hold my beer while I try to make out with him. WAIT! NO! ERMAGHERD! STAAAAAHP!
In any case, we covered a lot of ground in a short period of time and I deduced, perhaps incorrectly, that he must be single. Then we got up to the gate where you have to pay to get in and of course, I was so busy like, totally uncomfortably STARING at him while he was talking that I completely forgot to see if I had any cash.
He offered to pay to get me in (so now I'm even more embarrassed) but thank God I found $6 in ones and quarters...and maybe a stick of gum.
I wished him well and to have fun and that was that. I did not see him again.
Could not get him out of my head for months.
To be BRUTALLY HONEST, I had hoped to find him on either eharmony or Hinge but I did not so I bounced. Well, I bounced because the whole thing with both options made me REALLY uncomfortable. But, also, with my incredibly narrow search parameters, I never found him.
I find admitting to this all a little unsettling. And, a little nerve-wracking because I've built this guy up to be something that he probably is not. Likely married, or dating (like who would not SWOON over a Dad talking so fondly and proudly about his kids) and I am, most certainly not, his type.
I would think he'd go for your typical well-styled, fitness goddess with super white teeth, who is never late, doesn't carry a ratty old blanket and won't go out in public without makeup. And, always has her own cash. Also, someone with her shit together. You know, the complete opposite of me.
And yet, I still tracked him down. What is wrong with me!
It all started when I found out my kid's dad started seeing someone. I guess that was what did it for me, if he is ready why am I not? For the record, I am not sure that I am, but for whatever reason, I feel like if this guy is single and available, I would totally make out with - er, I mean - GO OUT with him...(calm down Maude, jeezus)
After some brainstorming and reviewing of the crime scene and with the help of a friend I figured out how to find him. Where we live is a small enough town, and if you're golfing with a bunch of Catholics at the alumni tournament, chances are we'll know someone in common. And we do. So I found him on LinkedIn and sent a message. All about helping me make connections in the business community in my hometown
To be honest, though, my initial "in" with him is totally not a lie. I could tell he was a super nice guy and since he's a golfer I made the leap that he's probably a good networker and knows people. Especially people in the business community.
Because, as you might know, I am currently unemployed - another strike against me as we've previously discussed because who doesn't want to date a nearly 50-year-old unemployed single mother - so I am casting my potential employment net pretty wide.
I am applying for work pretty much all over the PNW, including my hometown where he just moved from. So that's my cover. And it's actually totally true.
I am supposed to call him (he gave me his number after I messaged him on LinkedIn - I seem to skip the dating apps and use the professional networking sites, so there must be something wrong with me) to talk through some of the connections he might potentially have and help me out.
But here's the thing - I did a full-on basic crazy woman background search already. I know where he lives in Boise. I read his bio on the company website that only mentions his kids no wife or significant other.
I found his house that he sold last summer in my hometown on Zillow and I know it's his because I found a whole bunch of other stuff about him, most of which was on his LinkedIn profile.
And there's a photo of just him and his kids hanging in the house. His kids went to my high school where I was the mascot.
And I saw a shit load of wine in boxes in his storage room in the Zillow photos (he most certainly is MY people) and an old late 60's or earl 70's Ford truck in the driveway. I love those. I dream about a dude picking me up in one of those and going on a picnic date to watch the sunset.
Like I said - crazy woman search. I hope he never reads this. Well, I mean it will probably turn into nothing at all since I'm potentially moving and most certainly am not his type or in any position to consider anything with ANYONE until I can get my shit together. And, it's spread all over the place right now, so packing it back up is a bit of a chore. Gonna be awhile.
My biggest stress is that I also hope that I don't inadvertently mention something that I know that he hasn't ever told me when I do talk to him because that would be horrifyingly embarrassing. It is hard to un-see and forget things I've found out by being a crazy person. And I am, a total crazy person though I reassured him I'm not a crazy stalker.
I feel like he sees through it...
So, I guess here goes nothing. I'm going to call him and hope I don't make an ass of myself. And, even if it turns out to be nothing at all, at least I know that maybe, just maybe, I might be OK with someone in my life someday. That is a win in my book.
Just...maybe not yet. I'm still kind of a shit show.
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