Things I learned about birthday parties for children

1. The smell of silly string makes me drive heave

2. Kids don't like cake, just the ice cream

3. Having a party with 12 children is only a good idea in a large public place

4. Even though they are friends, kids will still find a way to fight at a party

5. Balloons are the work of the devil

6. Don't plan on hanging out with adults, every child will demand your personal attention: "watch what I can do" and such

7. A one to one adult to child ratio is NOT enough. You need to outnumber them 2 to 1

8. Even if you say the party ends at 3:15 you cannot get the children to leave and bribery fails every time

9. Children don't like finding crackers in their goodie bags, they expect candy

10. One should never have a party for children where beer is not served.

Politics and stuff

As you may or may not know, I was given the privilege (yes, privilege) of testifying in front of the Idaho State Senate Local Government and Taxation Committee on Monday with regards to a bill, S1081, that I co-wrote with our local Senator Shawn Keough. Without going into too much detail, let me just say that the bill was designed to ensure that our county receives its fair share of the bed tax that our lodgers are required to collect.

Sadly, though not surprisingly, the bill was killed in committee. On the positive side, one piece of it will be resurrected this session and tagged to another piece of legislation. That part will make sure that one county can't dominate the regional representation on the council, thereby unfairly skewing the distribution of the grant dollars to their own consitituents.

I was asked by one of the committee members if I thought that the representative for my region was influenced by his employer to take money away from our county. I said yes. And do you want to know what the best part of the whole thing was? My regional representative's employer sent his LOBBYIST to testify against the bill, thereby proving my point. If they are NOT receiving more than their fair share of the money to offset their advertising costs, why would it be necessary to have their lobbyist testify against it at all?

Politics, such a beautiful thing.

Not that there's anything wrong with that Part 2

If you haven't read part 1, take a moment so that more of part 2 makes sense!

I have a simple mind, so in all reality I really don't know how it all works together, but since I posted about fantabulous gay & lesbian vacation advertisements on my blog, the banner ads on my gmail account have changed slightly. For one thing, I noticed a link to a website that sells man-bras.

My mind immediately went to the Seinfeld episode (yes, another Seinfeld reference) featuring the "Bro", or bra for men-boobs, AKA moobs. Did I click over to see? You betcha!

What I found was not what I expected. Rather than an apparatus to contain & flatten overweight man-boobs, what I discovered where various bras designed to give your average cross-dresser the appearance of having woman-cleavage. Disturbing? Yes.

However, probably the most disturbing part of the whole website is that several of these man-bras actually showed male cleavage much more ample than my own. Where's the fairness in that?

How is it possible that a manufacturer can design a bra for a dude with pectoral muscles to create the illusion of big tits, but that same manufacturer hasn't even considered how well his product, though slightly altered for a female frame, might be a big seller to women who have breast-fed children and whose breasts currently reside in their armpits?

Many times I have asked myself where's the bra that can seek & squish every last ounce of breast tissue into two cups that will make us moms feel like teenagers with perky breasts again? Well folks, I found one and it is engineered for men who like to look like women.

The injustice of it all.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.....

I was checking on Travelocity today because I need to book travel to Boise to attend a Senate hearing next week. I thought I would see what kinds of airfare deals I could find.


While I perused the options for airfare, I noticed a delicious banner ad at the top of the page:


3 shirtless sexy men walking on a beach:









Yum-OH!!

Of course my eye was immediately drawn to the right of the photo, to the aforementioned three sexy men (as seen above). Sadly, no red flag was raised when I noticed that one man had his arm on the back of the one in the middle.


I mean, men pat each other on the back, right? Maybe not shirtless, but for pete's sake I live in north Idaho so anything with a beach and half naked hotties is immediately appealing. Details, details!


And tan men? Puh-leese! Of course, the fact that they appear to be well-groomed with washboard abs didn't send a warning sign either.


I finally noticed the text (after about ten minutes of drooling on my keyboard) and saw Vacation Deals and thought, "I wanna go there" then realized just as I was about to click that it says:










Gay or not, I would go there just to look at 'em! And yes, they ARE fantabulous. Sadly though, I guess my gay-dar is on the fritz.


I do want to send an appeal to Travelocity. Please be sensitive to those of us in cooler climates who have 2 months or less every summer to admire the tan, male physique.


Don't tease us with their hotness only to dash our hopes with them being gay.


Next time you run banner ads, don't use that kind of eye candy, you only confuse and frustrate your customers.


Or maybe next time you can put the words "FANTABULOUS" right on top of the half -naked men. I can 100% guarantee you I would have figured it out much faster that way.

Is fantabulous even a word?

Open Letter to Girl Scouts and Camp Fire:

Dear Youth Development Organizations Who Sell Candy Right Before Lent:

Please, cease and desist selling your candy and cookies right before Lent begins. EVERY STINKING YEAR as I prepare for the season of lent, suddenly I am constantly tempted by samoas, shortbread cookies, almond roca and mints. And most of us try and give that crap up for 40 days for goodness sake!

I beg of you, don't do this. On the plus side for Camp Fire, I can buy stuff and then binge on it right before lent begins. On the downside, I am prone to then barfing because I really can't handle that much sugar at once. Better to just eliminate the temptation, you know?

And Girl Scouts, you should be ASHAMED! Making us order cookies and then delivering them during lent, forcing us to go to confession because we couldn't resist the temptation of dipping those sweet little short breads into our morning coffee, lunchtime milk, afternoon tea, eating them as a reward for checking email, putting on socks, or answering the phone.

Please, I implore you: find another time to sell your damn goodies.

And another thing I find extremely distressing about the timing of these sales: We are all just BARELY recovering from our holiday 10 lb weight gain, just getting back into our skinny jeans when you come knocking and testing our willpower with your delicious treats.

And to then pile a heap of guilt on top of it that the proceeds are to help our youth is really, in my opinion, unconscionable.

In my humble opinion, the best time to do this is right before swimsuit season. It's not like I'll be wearing a swimming suit in public anyways, so then I have a great excuse.

I can say those damn girl scouts/campfire girls sent me a on a guilt trip so I had to buy a bunch of stuff so they could go to summer camp, that's why I won't be at the beach. Better than saying I have outgrown my muu-muu. Better blame it on someone else, right?