Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Open Letter to Girl Scouts and Camp Fire:

Dear Youth Development Organizations Who Sell Candy Right Before Lent:

Please, cease and desist selling your candy and cookies right before Lent begins. EVERY STINKING YEAR as I prepare for the season of lent, suddenly I am constantly tempted by samoas, shortbread cookies, almond roca and mints. And most of us try and give that crap up for 40 days for goodness sake!

I beg of you, don't do this. On the plus side for Camp Fire, I can buy stuff and then binge on it right before lent begins. On the downside, I am prone to then barfing because I really can't handle that much sugar at once. Better to just eliminate the temptation, you know?

And Girl Scouts, you should be ASHAMED! Making us order cookies and then delivering them during lent, forcing us to go to confession because we couldn't resist the temptation of dipping those sweet little short breads into our morning coffee, lunchtime milk, afternoon tea, eating them as a reward for checking email, putting on socks, or answering the phone.

Please, I implore you: find another time to sell your damn goodies.

And another thing I find extremely distressing about the timing of these sales: We are all just BARELY recovering from our holiday 10 lb weight gain, just getting back into our skinny jeans when you come knocking and testing our willpower with your delicious treats.

And to then pile a heap of guilt on top of it that the proceeds are to help our youth is really, in my opinion, unconscionable.

In my humble opinion, the best time to do this is right before swimsuit season. It's not like I'll be wearing a swimming suit in public anyways, so then I have a great excuse.

I can say those damn girl scouts/campfire girls sent me a on a guilt trip so I had to buy a bunch of stuff so they could go to summer camp, that's why I won't be at the beach. Better than saying I have outgrown my muu-muu. Better blame it on someone else, right?

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