Monday, July 28, 2008

Things I Learned on Vacation

1. Family is like a very nice, expensive bottle of wine. Best enjoyed in small amounts and over a long period of time. Cramming the whole bottle into one weekend may leave a person with a serious hangover.

2. No matter how many lists you make, you WILL forget something critical to the trip. We forgot a nite light. Need I say more.

3. Always have separate beds for your kids, even if you think it will be fun for "just a couple of nights" to share a bed with them. Separate rooms are even better if you can swing it. With sound proofing so the lodging staff doesn't hear them screaming for you when you stuff them in bed.

4. Even the smallest child will take over the entire bed by sleeping sideways and rabbit kicking you in their sleep. ALL NIGHT.

5. There is not enough coffee to wake you up in the morning when traveling with children & a large group of family that has drastically different tastes in activities and varying senses of urgency when it is time to move onto the next activity.

6. Children who are related are genetically programmed to fight. It doesn't matter how long it has been since they last saw one another. They WILL fight and you are lucky if there is no bloodshed.

7. Lining up 11 children ranging in age from 1-14 for a picture is easier than you think, taking a decent photo of them, not so much. I think I will win the miss American pageant before we get 11 children to smile AT THE SAME TIME.

8. Lining up the adults of children referenced in item #7 for a photo, EVEN HARDER.

9. I swear the entire state of Montana has a ban on cell phone towers. Talk about a DEAD ZONE. If you need to make a call, bring a calling card and find a payphone or learn how to make smoke signals.

10. Regardless of the kind of fish a child catches they WILL want to eat it (even a botton feeder) and you are THE DEVIL if you make them throw it back.

As I am still processing the entire experience I may add more onto this list. But I can say that I am glad to be home and at work again, so I can have a break.

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