The Mysteries of Life

Over the weekend I discovered that I have some very important questions in life that demand answers.

For one thing, how is it possible that a two year old boy can crap his pants in a matter of seconds, but you put him on a toilet and it takes a half an hour? Gravity must be involved somehow. Or perhaps the cold toilet seat also affects a sphincter.

Another mystery is why March Madness is used to describe the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I can think of a couple of other uses for the term. For example, March Madness causes you to drive around a small town on a Sunday looking for some place that MIGHT be open for business before 12 noon, or even might be open on a Sunday at all. And the reason you are driving around is because it is raining/snowing and there is NOTHING to do with your small children who are driving you completely batty to where you consider posting them for sale on eBay.

Why isn't March Madness a term to describe your feelings about your husband who will forego bathing, eating, restroom breaks and anything else unless it can be fit in during the 15 second time-outs during one of the seemingly THOUSAND different basketball games on TV during the month.

I am also very curious as to why in God's name Mother Nature gives us a spring teaser every year, only to bombard us with more crappy weather for weeks on end until you are at the brink of total insanity.

Finally, back to the whole potty training thing. Why is it that a child who is perfectly capable of using the toilet, might even be fully potty trained, suddenly decides that they no longer enjoy the fun & freedom (and dry feeling) of wearing underpants?