I always say....

"God makes them cute so you don't sell 'em."

Perfect example: Friday night at dinner at a local burger joint a young lady walked by with red, and I mean like spray painted red on purpose, hair.

Brady says (quite loudly) "She's got crazy hair" while pointing as she walked by. Wish the floor could have swallowed me up.

Then again, if she didn't want people to stare, why paint it Ford Mustang red?

I am a twitter pig

I had no idea, really, how addicting social media can be. I started off slowly, a little blogging here and there. Moved on over to a little plinky, then got too busy to keep writing (plus it is much easier for me to make stuff up than be told what to write about!).

I added a facebook page, just for the heck of it, and soon found myself with 124 friends (I honestly had no idea that many people liked me, or that I liked them back!) and suddenly WHAM! Twitter ended up on my to do list.

Twitter is the absolute perfect tool for me though. I cannot stop talking, nor do I ever stop talking about stuff that no one gives a crap about (just ask my husband). But suddenly I sign up for a twitter account to talk about training for the half marathon and people actually "follow" me so that they can keep up on the mundane stuff of my life. And sadly, I am excited to be keeping up on the mundane stuff of other people's lives.

For example: "Stuck in the airport in London." That is interesting, how did they get to London and why??

OR:

"Playing on the beach with my kids right now." I wanna be there too....not "tweeting" that I think I pulled a muscle in my armpit training.

So now I'm a social media junky, learning how to update everyone with everything in one quick tweet, post or text message from my phone. And I have become a twitter pig, waiting for the day when the twitter peeps say, "enough already scenic halfer, ENOUGH!"

Multi-tasking challenge

So I can drive a car, talk on the phone, drink a bottle of water and twirl my hair all at the same time, but apparently I cannot tub and get two children ready for bed simultaneously. Shouldn't be that difficult.....but it is.

Last night while I tubbed Brady, Kaylee stood next to the tub buck-ass naked and sobbing "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!" And where was I? A foot away. What-ev!

While she was standing there sobbing & naked I said "Hey Kaylee, do you need to go potty?" Thinking now would be an optimal time to use the toilet. "No!" she says.

BUT as soon as I put her ass in the tub she started screaming "I need to go potty! I'm going to pee in the tub!" I took Brady to his room, showed him his pajamas, pull ups and socks (a simple three step process, one would think this would be a slam dunk) and went in to tend to an apparently exhausted 5 year old.

I hurried, scrubbed, washed, and rinsed as fast as I could. There was NO WAY in hell I was going to let her out of the tub until she was done. Man oh man, have you ever tried to quickly tub an angry 5 year old who is the size of the average 7 year old? I'd rather pull my toenails out.

I got her out, dried her ass off and put her, yes shoved her, onto the toilet thinking she was going to freaking explode. Tinkle tinkle. 2 seconds, that was IT! ARRRRGH! Are you kidding me? All that screaming for what amounted to a teaspoon of piss?

It was then that I realized Brady was being oh so quiet in his room. A sure sign that he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing. I figured he was playing with cars or reading books while completely naked (apparently the kid enjoys wearing just the birthday suit).

But oh no, he wasn't playing, nor was he dressed. He found the nearly full container of Vaseline and was "applying" it to his butt. And it was EVERYWHERE!!!!! Chunks of it all over his butt, in the crack, up his back, on his hips, and ALL OVER HIS FINGERS! EWW! And there was only about half of the Vaseline left. The whole situation was disturbing, and extremely hilarious.

I was laughing so hard and said "Wow Brady, what a good job you are doing" while trying not to pee myself. And ya know what that little stinker said? "You're WELCOME, Mom!"

I am not the daughter of the year

I called my Dad yesterday and wished him a happy father's day. We talked for a long time on my way home from the store. I do have to say he got his present last weekend but when I pulled in the driveway I saw a very naked Brady (he wasn't even wearing socks) running laps in the house and I hung up on my Dad and I totally forgot to call back. Sorry Dad, I do love you! Hope you understand that Mr. Junior Streaker totally derailed my thought pattern.

Dad, this is for you: Ray Stevens, The Streak video on YouTube.

Thank God for technology!

Serious proof that I need to up my meds:

Two weeks ago I started training to run the Scenic Half Marathon in Sandpoint on September 20, 2009. I have a blog for that too: http://anyonecanrunahalfmarathon.blogspot.com/

So basically I have 4 full time responsibilities:
1. Wife
2. Mother
3. Executive Director
4. Writer/trainee for the Scenic Half

Well, and #5 would be professional multi-tasker who always finds time to blog & tweet about stuff no one cares about.

In any event, have I bitten off more than I can chew, or can I handle it? Vote!

What makes it all worthwhile

So I had a bad day yesterday. Big deal. I am alive, employed, and have a beautiful family. Yesterday did go from bad to worse, but at the end of the day, it was all worthwhile.

Kaylee's game wasn't canceled so she played her last game and went to the pizza party afterward. All of the players were presented with a trophy. I sat and watched my sweet little angel baby girl clap and smile while her teammates were called up one by one to get their trophy. She had no idea whether or not she was going to get one, but it was written all over her beautiful face that she was so happy for her teammates.

At that moment, watching Kaylee and seeing what a wonderfully big heart she has, I completely forgot about everything else.

I couldn't have been more proud of my daughter. And, at the end of the day, that's what it's all about anyway.

Is someone trying to tell me something?

So here's my day so far:

The kids were both up at the butt crack of dawn today and therefore went apeshit during the morning routine. If one wasn't crying, it was the other one. And we did THE SAME DAMN THINGS WE DO EVERY DAY!

Then I spilled coffee all over my pants (but didn't notice until about 5 minutes before my luncheon) and had giant wet spots on them from trying to clean them in the bathroom.

Minutes before leaving for the luncheon, I was informed that the passenger window on the driver's side of my luxurious mini van was busted out by what appears to be either a giant (and now probably injured bird) or a baseball bat.

During lunch the internet didn't work for my keynote speaker who also had food poisoning and thought she was going to barf.

The sound system at the lunch didn't work so I ended up using my middle school teacher voice instead of the mic, but then they fixed the mic and I forgot to tone down my voice and pretty much blew everyone out of the room with the obnoxious sound of my voice.

I am also unable to have my window repaired because the vandals (or the bird) were an hour late in smashing it in so the window won't be here until tomorrow.

I couldn't get photos to email to the Spokesman to swap out in an ad with a 2 pm deadline

In the midst of trying to send the photos the police came to take my report on the mini van incident so I am not sure my changes were made.

The only way my day will improve is if thunderstorms cancel Kaylee's final tball game so we can just go straight to the pizza and beer. I really need a beer. Now.

Dear Dog Owners in my Neighborhood:

Thank you so much to those of you who let your dogs roam free in our neighborhood. Since we don't have any pets of our own we appreciate it when your dogs decide to use our grass as their personal toilet.

My husband and I were just saying how much we wished that we could have a pet and clean up dog poop on a regular basis. Thanks to you, we have the privilege without all the additional cost and hassle of feeding, watering and vet bills. That is really great, we get the easy part of pet ownership.

We also truly enjoy all the yellow spots your dogs are leaving in our luscious green lawn. We only put the turf builder on there and paid a lot of money to have someone groom it in the spring to green it up for your four legged friends anyway.

And thanks to you, we get to play this really fun game with the kids: "What shape is that?" Sometimes the little yellow dead grass pee spots look like a letter, most recently the letter F. We are hoping your dog can't spell and we don't find a u, c or a k this week.

FYI, our daughter is perfectly capable of sounding out words now though, so if your dog is that talented, please try & convince it to spell FUN or something a little more family-friendly.

The kids do enjoy having domesticated animals running around our yard as well, so we are very appreciative that you haven't invested in a fence to keep them in your own yard. We would miss them so. After all, why take the time to put them on a leash and take them for a walk or invest in a pesky fence or dog run when they can just run around unsupervised to get their exercise and fresh air.

We are actually considering doing that with our children. Unfortunately they wouldn't leave little brown smelly land mines or pee in your grass so I don't know how much you would enjoy having them in your yard. On the other hand, your yard probably doesn't have dog crap in it, so it's probably easier for them to play in. Hope you won't mind having them around.

Sincerely,

Your favorite neighbors

Okay, I admit it, I'm just weird

I see that most of you know me well enough to know that I was quite sober when filming the dance heads video. I will admit to one glass of wine, consumed at least 2 hours prior to the video production.

If you haven't had the opportunity to review the aforementioned video, here's the link to the post: http://blissandchaos.blogspot.com/2009/05/100th-post-and-it.html

Those of you who voted that I had lost all sense of self-awareness are partly correct. One must have self awareness to actually lose it. Technically, I have none. In fact, let me describe to you the scene just prior to filming:

Pam Houser, CEO of the Post Falls Chamber: "Amy, grab your purse. We're going to film one of those things."

Me: "Okay, but I haven't had nearly enough to drink." (who was I kidding?)

Pam: "You'll be fine."

Me: "I dunno, this is kind of embarassing." (as if that has EVER bothered me before)

I sort of drug my feet over there, you know putting on a show for the folks, like I REALLY don't want to do this but am going along with it to be nice.

At the beginning of the video you see me chatting before the music starts. Clearly I enjoyed watching myself on that nice body!!! Then, cue the music and I really hit my stride. And for those of you who don't know how it works, yes I could see myself the ENTIRE time which is why I really hammed it up.

I am a shameless attention grabber and I always want to be the center of attention. Can you tell?