Thursday, May 3, 2012
Things people at my gym might want to tell me....
I have to be fair.......
1. From the guy at the front desk: It's 5:30am lady, if you want eye contact and a smile, go to freaking Starbucks. Otherwise, get your ass in there and get your sweat on, this ain't a spa.
2. From the really really really skinny personal trainer whose make up looks like she's been up since 4am getting ready: I'm not trying to make you look bad, it's easy to do. Try a little lip gloss to match your rose-y sweaty little out of shape cheeks honey.
3. From the guy who comes in about halfway through my workout and does his arm exercises five feet from me: You're welcome. And, uh......uncomfortable silence.....yeah, have a nice day? or something.
4. From the dude who smells like a barn every day: You're one to talk lady, I know all about your treadmill crop dusting shenanigans. Those who live in glass houses....or whatever.
5. From the really intense weight lifter people, I think they're husband and wife: your Katy Perry music is too loud and we hate it. Your headphones are for you to listen to, so turn it down and don't make the rest of the gym suffer listening to your peppy annoying music.
6. From the two ladies who faithfully ride the recumbant bikes: We're not really sure you're complimenting us, but thanks if you are. If not, you know where you can go. BOOT CAMP.
7. From the folks in the boot camp class: If you'd ever use more than 7.5 lbs for a workout you might be able to curl more than a soup can, noodle arms. Give it a shot.
8. From the girl who runs the treadmill and covers up the data screen with a magazine she doesn't even read: Relax you psycho OCD crazy woman. Shouldn't you be running for the pure joy of it? Quit worrying about every little step, you might hurt yourself! Oh and I DO read it, like 20 times!
9. From the lecherous old guy in the corner who curls a few weights but checks out every female within his line of sight: I'm not looking at you stick-woman. Maybe if you had some boobs. Get over yourself.
10. From the men who stop and stare at the TV at regular intervals: It is in our genetics to watch TV when there's a hot chick or sports on. Just like it's in yours to make fun of us for it. So we're good.