Friday, May 11, 2012

What I want for Mother's Day - a reasonable list

I've thought a lot about what I want for Mother's Day this year.  A LOT.  I really have some very basic requests, nothing too out of the box I don't think.  I know that my husband reads this blog too.  I think he checks to make sure I don't say anything nasty about him.  I never would, on the blog anyway.  Nah, I save that up for when I'm with my girlfriends and have too much red wine.  I say things like "can you believe how supportive Mark is?"  "Why does he put up with me anyway?"  "Mark is such a rock star!"  Honestly.  I do.  Ask my friends.  I dare you.

But back to the list.  I mean business this year.  No more of this breakfast in bed stuff, no way.  I want THINGS.  Big.  Important.  Super-meaningful things.  See below:

1.  I want for my house to magically clean and organize itself.
2.  I want for my newly clean and organized house to stay that way.  For longer than the normal 10 minutes.  Maybe 24 hours?  I dont' want to push it, though.
3.  I want my boobs to go back to my pre-weight loss size.
4.  I want for my body to stay post-weight loss size while my boobs go back to normal.  That would be totally hot.
5.  I want my closet to magically transform itself and become filled with classically tailored styles for all seasons, categorized by color with matching shoes and accessories, all perfectly sized.  I know, this one seems a little over the top, but a girl can dream, can't she?
6.  I want the Nike fuel band that Mark won in a raffle to become mine.  AND for it to suddenly contain a heart rate monitor, mp3 player with speakers pre-loaded with all my favorite dirty club music for running, and a GPS thingy.  (Nike, are you listening?  BIG seller right there....just sayin')
7.  I want the arthritic big toe on my left foot to stop freaking hurting every time the weather thinks about changing.
8.  I want a pair of orthotics that don't make that terrifying spine tingling squeak squeak that reminds me of that devil woman of a fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Bloom, whose shoes made the same sound and also used Noxema skin cream for hand lotion.  Honestly, who does that?  Oh and she wore these stupid blue ked shoes with elastic denim pants and an untucked chambray shirt and to this day the thought of rhinestone horn-rimmed glasses makes me throw up a little in fear.  So, yeah, anyone know a good therapist?  Holy hell I've got some issues to work through!
9.  I want my memory of  Mrs. Bloom to disappear.  And a good therapist.
10.  I want my 2009 Kia Optima to be transformed overnight into a brand new metallic blue big ass gas guzzling you'll-never-find-a-parking-spot-in-Portland Ford Expedition.  With leather.  And a sunroof.  And heated seats.  You know, generally speaking.

But truly, if there's one thing I want more than anything else in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, it would be that my Dad could come over, give me one of his famous big bear hugs and say "Happy Mother's Day, honey."  But I'll settle for some sweet memories of him, and lots of lovin' from my kids and hubs.  And the Expedition.


Beth said...

So funny and the bit about your dad brought tears. And, yes, you DO say all of those cool things about your rockstar hubby!

Sunlover Mom said...

Will you settle for a "I'm so proud of you, honey!" The beautiful thing about YOU being a mother is that now YOU know how much I love YOU.