Yes, long title. I'm aware. But, it truly encapsulates my morning. OMG.
This story almost starts out like my grandma saying "back in my day we didn't have smart phones and you had to ride your horse down the dirt road uphill both ways in a blinding snow storm to talk to a boy you liked instead of sending a text".
26+ years ago when I was in the dating world, there were no smart phones. If texting had been invented, no one was doing it. We talked to people using a LANDLINE and if we were lucky we had caller ID on the phone and/or an answering machine in case we missed the call.
We. Did. Not. Text. And for that I am thankful.
Especially since I was known for juggling a guy or two (or three) back in my hey day (before children, stretch marks, gray hair and wrinkles) so this would have been a DISASTER for me.
Turns out, it IS a disaster for me, even with one man.
Trust me, you're going to want to read this WHOOOOOOOOOOLE post - it's a good one. I hope you go into your weekend with a good laugh. I will be buying a GIANT bottle of wine to console myself...
To catch you up, last week with "football game guy" after our phone call, I left it that I'd reach out and let him know the organization where I landed.
This morning I sent a funny text to see if he had time to chat today. In a past conversation he told me his kids had gone to my high school, so I sent him this photo and accompanying text:
About 45 minutes later, he responds and I responded back an hour later to him:
I actually know he is really busy so I was 50/50 on how this made me feel. I decided that maybe I should seek the counsel of one of my single friends in the area and get her take.
Thus, I texted her:
But, it wasn't her......ERMAGHERD...it. was. HIM.
Weeellllll.........s##t....
So then I think, he must know I was talking about him. And, I'm pretty up front and straightforward (in other words I'd rather be honest than cover up with a lie) so I reply:
And then he replied, which wasn't an out and out denial:
What do I even DO with that response????!!!!!
I decide that I'll reach out at the end of the day, play it cool and suggest trivia night with friends so he can meet new people or something easy and non-specific but at least putting myself out there a little more.
But friends...it gets WORSE!!! 20 minutes later I get this text from him:
OMG. I reply:
He says "I'll give you a shout later." Very nonspecific.
And "if you want more friends here I am open to that too" is also, NONSPECIFIC. Although, to be fair it's probably better to lead with "let's be friends" than "I want to make out with you"...
I do not think I made it clear to him at all that I'd be interested as more than friends, however it is VERY clear I am just terrible with texting.
He may not even have any sort of clue what the heck I am trying to get at, me thinking I am direct is being REEALLY indirect.
INSERT SLAPPING MY FOREHEAD EMOJI HERE.
So now I am totally gun-shy on texting ANYONE at this point and I changed his contact name to the following so that if/when I text someone I will be damn sure I'm NOT texting HIM something I don't want him to see:
So, that's it. It's a lot of nothing, but still pretty hilarious all the same. I think he literally has NO CLUE that I like him.
Only Maude would do something like text a guy for guy advice about the guy when she really meant to text a friend...SIGH.
My gut says he won't call, probably thinks I am total nut job. (I am)
I think it's time for me to lose his number.
But, hey, at least I kind of sort of very inadvertently in a totally nonthreatening and nonspecific way put myself out there...right?
I will get it right if there is ever a next time. Ever.
I'll keep you posted...and PS I tested some other dating sites out (not to use them - I am confident that is not the direction I am ever comfortable going) to share some other helpful hints for any of my other single friends out there looking for love in a digital (mid-life) age!
Buckle up - it will be quite a ride.
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