Sunday, March 3, 2019

Maude VS the picky home shoppers

Dear buyers that have looked at our home for sale,

We are so glad that you agree: our kitchen is enormous.  It is!  We have fit over 25 people in it to say grace before Christmas dinner.  And it is so big we sometimes forget where we stored things. True story.

We love that you love the rec room over the garage that has room for foosball, air hockey, at one point three couches and still room for more.  You’re right, the space is fantastic.  You could even throw in a ping pong table up there and STILL have room left over for keg stands, a rousing game of twister and an epic battle of chess.  If you’re into that kind of thing.

It is fantastic hearing about how you love the over-sized garage with extra room for storage and space to park a pick-up truck with an 8 foot bed, SUV and feasibly yet another car in the third bay, which as you know most people just use for extra storage.  But our garage is just THAT BIG.  And we have a sh*t ton of storage ANYWAY...

It warms our heart to hear you love the open floor plan, the split bedroom layout and that we have three FULL bathrooms.  

Who wants a half bath anyway?   That is like eating a PB&J sandwich without the J.  Especially when you have teenagers who you do not want using your bathroom to shower any longer because, well, teenagers.  And eventually those little munchkins in your house WILL be teenagers.  Sooner than later.

We also know how amazing it is that the bonus room is set up like its own little apartment with a kitchenette.  Some might call it a mother-in-law suite, we call it “the place where the kids will want to live when they graduate from college and cannot find a job” which, incidentally, is NOT why we are moving….

We love that YOU love all the parts about the HOME in which we currently live.  You can tell, it is totally awesome. 

What we do not love is hearing things like “I could never live with that backyard.”  Yes you can, actually, and you can thank us later for setting you straight: you will use the backyard outdoor living space more than you ever would the grass you would have to mow, water and fertilize.

Believe it or not, we fell in LOVE with this house for everything it is, knowing that the backyard was, well, cozy.  Because we know that we spend MOST OF OUR TIME INSIDE OUR HOUSE.  And you will, too.

Don’t look at the house and think “the yard is too small” because here’s what you won’t do in the yard: sleep, do laundry, make breakfast for your family (although you could in the OUTDOOR KITCHEN….), get dressed for the day, brush your toofin’s and jump in your jammies for bed. 

You definitely won’t host your family for the holidays in the back yard (hello cold Idaho winters...) and you certainly won’t host birthday parties and other celebrations in the back yard, even if you had a big one.  

Think about where you LIVE.  You live INSIDE.  We created a home that lets you do BOTH: live inside AND outside when time permits.  Eventually your children will sign up for three activities after school which requires you to turn into a parent uber driver, taking them from place to place 6 days a week. (honestly I feel like I actually live in my car, which smells kind of like I do...)

As much as I love Boise I don’t love that it’s 100+ degrees for weeks on end in the summer.  Believe me, you won’t send your kids out to play in that kind of heat!  Nope, I’m telling you they’ll be up in the air conditioned bonus room (dual controls BTW) with their friends playing video games on your giant TV, eating popcorn and drinking cool beverages and making a big giant mess as kids like to do.

In case you didn't already know this. there are five seasons in Idaho: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and what we affectionately call SPRINTER, that awkward space when it’s supposed to feel like spring but it keeps snowing.  

The amount of time you actually CAN use your backyard is less than you think so when you DO have the opportunity to spend time outside in the outdoor living space we have created for you, you will love it.  Because you won’t have spent time, money and water keeping up with a backyard that you never go in except to clean up the dog poop. (again, true story)

So please, look at our house for all the wonderful things that it is: a home you can LIVE IN.  And know that the backyard in its current configuration has had MORE use in the last three years since we made it an extension of our phenomenal home. 

And if you really have your heart set on a big yard, use the opportunity that the interwebs have provided for you and LOOK AT THE FREAKING PICTURES OF THE HOUSE ONLINE before you get here.  Because I'm getting pretty damn tired of cleaning my house for you only to have you say "I don't like the backyard".  Just because you come LOOK at the house doesn't make the yard suddenly LARGER....

It is what it is my friend: a fantastic space that you WILL use and have to spend very little time keeping up.

PS - I love my instant pot an inappropriate amount.  I use it basically every time I cook.  Like I might consider marrying it if it could clean up after itself....