Is it just me or...

Have other women's husbands been constantly busting out their best Michael Jackson impression ever since the dude croaked over? No? Just mine? Sigh.

I always say....

"God makes them cute so you don't sell 'em."

Perfect example: Friday night at dinner at a local burger joint a young lady walked by with red, and I mean like spray painted red on purpose, hair.

Brady says (quite loudly) "She's got crazy hair" while pointing as she walked by. Wish the floor could have swallowed me up.

Then again, if she didn't want people to stare, why paint it Ford Mustang red?

I am a twitter pig

I had no idea, really, how addicting social media can be. I started off slowly, a little blogging here and there. Moved on over to a little plinky, then got too busy to keep writing (plus it is much easier for me to make stuff up than be told what to write about!).

I added a facebook page, just for the heck of it, and soon found myself with 124 friends (I honestly had no idea that many people liked me, or that I liked them back!) and suddenly WHAM! Twitter ended up on my to do list.

Twitter is the absolute perfect tool for me though. I cannot stop talking, nor do I ever stop talking about stuff that no one gives a crap about (just ask my husband). But suddenly I sign up for a twitter account to talk about training for the half marathon and people actually "follow" me so that they can keep up on the mundane stuff of my life. And sadly, I am excited to be keeping up on the mundane stuff of other people's lives.

For example: "Stuck in the airport in London." That is interesting, how did they get to London and why??

OR:

"Playing on the beach with my kids right now." I wanna be there too....not "tweeting" that I think I pulled a muscle in my armpit training.

So now I'm a social media junky, learning how to update everyone with everything in one quick tweet, post or text message from my phone. And I have become a twitter pig, waiting for the day when the twitter peeps say, "enough already scenic halfer, ENOUGH!"

Multi-tasking challenge

So I can drive a car, talk on the phone, drink a bottle of water and twirl my hair all at the same time, but apparently I cannot tub and get two children ready for bed simultaneously. Shouldn't be that difficult.....but it is.

Last night while I tubbed Brady, Kaylee stood next to the tub buck-ass naked and sobbing "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!" And where was I? A foot away. What-ev!

While she was standing there sobbing & naked I said "Hey Kaylee, do you need to go potty?" Thinking now would be an optimal time to use the toilet. "No!" she says.

BUT as soon as I put her ass in the tub she started screaming "I need to go potty! I'm going to pee in the tub!" I took Brady to his room, showed him his pajamas, pull ups and socks (a simple three step process, one would think this would be a slam dunk) and went in to tend to an apparently exhausted 5 year old.

I hurried, scrubbed, washed, and rinsed as fast as I could. There was NO WAY in hell I was going to let her out of the tub until she was done. Man oh man, have you ever tried to quickly tub an angry 5 year old who is the size of the average 7 year old? I'd rather pull my toenails out.

I got her out, dried her ass off and put her, yes shoved her, onto the toilet thinking she was going to freaking explode. Tinkle tinkle. 2 seconds, that was IT! ARRRRGH! Are you kidding me? All that screaming for what amounted to a teaspoon of piss?

It was then that I realized Brady was being oh so quiet in his room. A sure sign that he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing. I figured he was playing with cars or reading books while completely naked (apparently the kid enjoys wearing just the birthday suit).

But oh no, he wasn't playing, nor was he dressed. He found the nearly full container of Vaseline and was "applying" it to his butt. And it was EVERYWHERE!!!!! Chunks of it all over his butt, in the crack, up his back, on his hips, and ALL OVER HIS FINGERS! EWW! And there was only about half of the Vaseline left. The whole situation was disturbing, and extremely hilarious.

I was laughing so hard and said "Wow Brady, what a good job you are doing" while trying not to pee myself. And ya know what that little stinker said? "You're WELCOME, Mom!"

I am not the daughter of the year

I called my Dad yesterday and wished him a happy father's day. We talked for a long time on my way home from the store. I do have to say he got his present last weekend but when I pulled in the driveway I saw a very naked Brady (he wasn't even wearing socks) running laps in the house and I hung up on my Dad and I totally forgot to call back. Sorry Dad, I do love you! Hope you understand that Mr. Junior Streaker totally derailed my thought pattern.

Dad, this is for you: Ray Stevens, The Streak video on YouTube.

Thank God for technology!