Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Still got it...but he probably forgot his contacts!

This is a true story, and I'm only sharing it because I think it's pretty funny.  I've been to the gym a few times since Saturday, and before you get all huffy puffy and indignant that I'm going against doctor's orders, know that I HAVE the green light to ride the spin bike and since my arms and chest are TOTALLY USELESS I haven't exercised ANYTHING above the waist, except my mouth, but even under anesthesia my mouth never stopped:

Apparently as I was being wheeled off to the operating room I tried to grab my phone out of Mark's pocket to play a "song" to get me keyed up for surgery.  I think mentally I was trying to make something familiar about an unfamiliar and scary situation so I pretended (I think) like this was a big race. 

I was begging him to play my all-time-favorite-get-amped-up song "Welcome to the Jungle" and he wasn't able to comply so I started singing "I'm Sexy and I Know It" instead.  Which is hilarious because I was wearing a hospital gown and green non-skid socks and not a damn thing more. 

As I usually do, I have totally digressed from the actual story I was going to tell you.  So at the gym the other day, mid-morning there's usually a smattering of folks of various levels of fitness. 

There's the steroid-shooting, loudly grunting, let me drop my pants and check my muscles in my skivvies dude (yes, this really happened), there are folks who are, well, likely retired, and many other people, I call them KIDS, who are probably home for the summer from college, who look barely old enough to drive a car legally, let alone hang out in a gym. 

On a rare occasion I'll even see guys in there in flip flops lifting weights.  FLIP.  FLOPS.  REALLY?!  Who does that?  I'm left to assume that this particular "gentleman" forgot his shoes, and likely in this case he must have also forgotten to put in his contacts. 

I was in the corner stretching out after an epic spin workout (30 minutes of barely moving and dripping with sweat was VERY annoying, but hey, I'm recovering from surgery so what do I expect?) and I could see Mr. Flip Flops looking over periodically. 

As I walked my sweaty, still post-surgery bloated ass out the door Mr. Flip Flops TOTALLY CHECKED ME OUT.    

That said, I am sure as soon as he saw my gray hair and wrinkles up close and personal he probably thought better of it, but I had to share because when all you've got is a pair of slightly and artificially inflated boobies to show off it does kind of feel good to know you've still got it.  From a VERY LENGTHY DISTANCE. 

Next time I see Mr. Flip Flops I suspect he'll have proper footwear and glasses.  Just in case.

Yeah, I'm sexy and I know it.


LatteLover said...

Just so you know, I've now added Welcome to the Jungle to my playlist, just for you. ;-) And especially when running up Kaiser.

The Friendly Forager said...

Amy - I love your posts and they always make me laugh. I'm glad you're feeling well and going to the gym!! Rock it Girl! :) Love you - j.

The Friendly Forager said...

I'm posting as Josh because of difficulties with my account, but that last comment is really from Jill - Just so you know! :)

CBinID said...

Mark reported on the "Sexy and I Know It" when he updated us. I'll bet it helped him relax a tad too.

Keep on posting, kiddo. My motto: If you can't laugh, they you'll probably kill somebody!