Monday, July 23, 2012

The Taming of the Tamoxifen Shrew

So many things have been going on over the past few weeks.  I'm not entirely sure how much most folks know about my prognosis as I was in a medicated coma for for a few days and I don't know what all I've divulged.  I still have a bit of anesthesia brain, I forget simple words and tasks while I work to reclaim what little sanity I had before this whole crazy train got rolling.

Basically, all I have is good news to share.  My cancer NEVER spread to my lymph nodes, the surgeon got it all and then some, and I don't have to endure chemotherapy.  I will say it until I'm blue in the face, EARLY DETECTION SAVED MY LIFE.

And I need to be brutally freaking honest in saying that I found my lump BY ACCIDENT.  And ONLY by the grace of God.  More on that in a later post.

The only lingering issues are completing my reconstruction.  My first "inflation" is this Wednesday and I can hardly wait!  I hope to have it done in time to have the new girls keeping me afloat in Hawaii at the end of August, but I'll be glad to be wherever I am.  Pinky swear.

And, in case you're wondering, we're going through all suggested names for the twins and will post the best of the best for voting purposes soon.

The only other lingering treatment is that I will take Tamoxifen for the next five years.  This little pill gives you menopausal symptoms while your body gets used to it.  Super fun.  But the real bonus is that five years from now I'll go back to "normal" and get to do menopause all over again.  So I'm considering the next five years a good training run.

But let's get back to discussing the Tamoxifen shrew.  Mark and I have named her Tami, and she's not welcome at most social gatherings, but tends to make an appearance at almost no notice whatsoever.  For example, the other day on the way to my check up to get my drains removed Mark took an innocent drink of my water.

I looked at him (I think my head spun around and pea soup may have dribbled out of my mouth) and said with a very satanic creepy voice "stop drinking my f-ing water."  This to a man who has BENT OVER BACKWARDS to support me and help me.  But Tami doesn't care.  Nope, she's just a cranky bitch.

We also took the kids to see the new Ice Age movie, and I'll be damned if Tami isn't also an emotional freaking train wreck.  She started crying and sniffling at the end of a cartoon movie, that wasn't even all that good to begin with.  Embarrassed much?  I need a t-shirt that says "please excuse my inappropriate emotional outbursts, I'm on Tamoxifen" that I can wear in public.  ALWAYS.

Tami also gets emotional about everything.  Talk to her about my cancer, your dog or that fungus on your toe they ain't identified yet and she'll get all weepy.  Take a sip of her water/coffee/wine and prepare to die.  Just sayin'.

The hot flashes, well they're precious.   I am always cold so I didn't think I'd be too bothered, but man oh man you'd think I saw The Rock the way I swoon and fan when those things come on.  Geesh.  And last night, well I got the night sweats.  Totally.  Freaking.  Awesome.  Covers on.  Covers off.  Covers on.  Covers off.  Fan on.  Fan off.  Fan on.  Fan off.  Covers.  Fan.  Covers.  Fan.  STOP THE INSANITY!

But let me tell you as much fun as all these symptoms are, I'll be thanking my lucky stars with every hot flash, mood swing and irrational thought over the next five years.  I got off easy.  I truly did.  Please, check your boobs or those of your wife/girlfriend regularly.  More women can have this amazingly positive outcome if we are diligent in noticing anything that doesn't belong.  And remember, if you see Tami the Tamoxifen Shrew, RUN THE OTHER WAY.

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