Monday, August 11, 2008

Yes I know I am getting fat

So here's the deal. I am 6 feet tall and was about 140 lbs a few months ago. I went on medication, stopped obsessing about food, starting eating normal stuff and gained a few pounds. I am NOT PREGNANT.

I have had WAAAAY too many people recently make comments (or in some cases flat out ask me) about the fact that I appear to be pregnant. If I were, A) I would end up single parenting THREE children and B) there would be a lawsuit filed against a physician.

So am I preggers? Nope, just bloated. The problem is that two children later what little breast tissue I have left sags so poorly that unfortunately even the slightest little bit of bloating makes my pathetic little belly stick out further than my sad little barely-B-cup boobies.

And when I say I gained a few pounds, I literally mean like 5 pounds. Can someone problem solve for me why in the hell it goes straight to my gut? I mean really, can't my boobs pick up a pound or two? A pound per boob would be GREAT! Why is it always in my belly?

And as soon as I locate 15 minutes in my day for some light exercise you KNOW the first place I will lose will be: THE BOOBS!

So the next time you see me (or someone else you know who used to be skinny) and you have the slightest inclination to ask them if they have procreated, please refrain! Especially if you ask me, I am likely to go postal on ya!

One more thought before I sign off for the day. I had my first mammogram last year and I do have to make an appeal: please, if anyone out there can figure out how to harness all the breast tissue I had squished into that machine into one cup, I would pay a nearly unlimited price for that bra. I was unaware until then how much breast tissue is underutilized in my current bra configuration.

So really, maybe losing weight isn't the answer, but getting a good bra is!

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