A really vicious circle

Well I really hate to bring up the old anxiety & depression thing, but I just have to vent. It's either blather about it on my blog or end up paying for therapy. So to be fiscally responsible I'll trouble the rest of the world with my woes.

So today we had to go shopping and unfortunately that means that we ended up at Walmart (there's that fiscally responsible thing with the economy these days). I don't really know why, and can't quite explain, but going to Walmart gives me an anxiety attack. Every stinking time.

I swear. Like a sumo wrestler standing on my chest. And the closer we get to the store, the worse it gets. So while we're there I see about a dozen people I know, and to add to my stress I haven't showered (ew, gross I know but it is Saturday and the kids were up first okay?), I have no makeup on and my kids are completely out of control. Must be something in the air there....

And really, for me, the absolute WORST thing is that all I want to do is have a glass of wine to relax! I either have to sleep or drink to get that anxiety feeling to go away. And I can't drink because, well a depressant like alcohol sort of negates the whole ANTI-depressant thing so I am screwed.

I remember my therapist saying that the trick to making it go away is to know what you are anxious about. So what the hell could I be anxious about going to the fricken grocery store for anyway? Oh no, the bananas are going to be too yellow. Gosh, they'll run out of cheap canned goods. Darnit all, they won't have my size of plastic shoes for gardening.

So as I am walking around the store, huffing and puffing and trying to get air into and out of my lungs and trying to hide from people I know I decided what the hell, I'll get a bottle of wine for tonight. I get to the wine section and BAM! Can't find anything I like. Because after all, I'm at Walmart for crap's sake. So, turn up the anxiety a notch. See? Vicious circle.